Marmaris BBQ House - Meaty Madness

Restaurants don't always have to be super pretty, overtly fancy or come with the most courteous of serving staff to be appreciated in some lights. After all, what's most crucially important (to the Fat Spoon especially) is the food, which is difficult to mess up when you've selected a simple menu. Unless of course, said restaurant's kitchen has the production ability of a defective turd. Marmaris is yet another new restaurant in Newcastle, a Turkish grill house that thankfully isn't too generic. And they're not at all afraid of getting their meat out.

You can expect all of the classic cold starters, such as hummus, stuffed vine leaves, tabelluh and various ezmes, best served as part of a cold meze platter. As well as hot favourites like falafal, various kebabs and koftes, spicy sucuk and of course hallumi. Again great as sharing starters with some of there suspiciously cheap wine. If you're looking for a relatively low fat, high protein main, then the mixed meat grill is exactly what the personal trainer ordered. A medley of all your favourite animals, married together under the smoke and spices of Turkey. Individual meat meals are available, but if you know what's good for you then the mixed grill will suffice.

Marmaris BBQ House is another case of judge a book by it's cover. Sure, the interior looks like a bizarre cross between a kebab shop in Bradford with a doctor's surgery in the Middle East. It isn't your eyes, their TV projector is actually askew and the staff may seem a little dazed and confused, it is still worth a trip. The meat quality seems to be good and you cannot argue with the authenticity of the Turkish barbecue flavours they manage to incorporate into every dish. Get yourself some mint barbie bait, without having to be doused in fire or smoke. 76%

Harry's Bar and Grill - Culinary Confusion

Although the name suggests that Harry's is another generic grill house chain, this new kid on the block is in fact a stand alone restaurant. Although it certainly is a rather glamorous bar, describing the restaurant as a grill is a little inaccurate. Pretty much everyone has a grill in their kitchen, it's nothing special. And Harry's definitely isn't a grill house in the traditional meaning of the term. This monster of a venue seems to have popped up from no where, but they have gone to great efforts to make it look visually stunning. And at the cost of £3 million pounds we should hope so! The cocktail menu is excellent and provided the new staff pick up the delivery of them quickly, it will make a fantastic bar. The restaurant itself, however, is very much a mixed bag. Although the Fat Spoon loves a varied and exotic menu, this menu seems to have been put together by over excited posh adolescents on smack. It simply makes no sense. The starters were executed well and displayed their ability to create delicious high level, solid dishes with some great produce. However, based on the standard of the majority of the main dishes is seems the kitchen staff might have necked 10 trebles in between courses. It's inexplicable how they can produce elegant and vibrant foie gras and ducks dishes at the same time as churning out viciously bland burgers and hideously dry lamb dishes. Alongside veal with less flavour than cardboard smeared with wallpaper paste. Yes the novelty of having your food arrive in a clay pot to be smashed open by the waiters at the side of your table is interesting, but not if it results in meat so sterile that a starving pig would turn it's nose up at. The shockingly slow and characterless service only served to promote how poorly assembled this dining experience is, inexcusable. For their worth the menu is also rather over priced. Poor show Harry. 42%

Istanbul Cafe Bistro - Rustic but Radgie

Just a stones throw away from the (relative) bustle of Haymarket is what seems to be a new installation of actual Turkey (the country, not the munter of a bird). That being an exceptionally authentic three storey cafe/tower serving delicious home cooked Turkish cuisine. You may begin to question your safety as you climb the first hostel-like stairway, but once you're tackled with the distinct aroma of their open BBQ grill coupled with an almost agressive amount of spice and garlic, you will know you've made a solid choice. These sorts of establishments can be judged on your inabilty to pronounce the names of dishes, the more drunk you sound...the better the selection; and at Istanbul they don't disappoint! Here they over a wide range of healthy but flavoursome grilled meat dishes, all of the expected classic hot and cold mezze dishes as well as those taste infusion dishes involving lamb and lentils and aubergine that you would expect from a proper Turkish diner. They also have some interesting breakfast dishes and some frankly weird desserts for the bold. As is also typical with such places the food is very very well priced, the decor is plain ugly and the staff are a little moody - possibly incapable of smiling at all first, though a few jokes in they'll warm to most people. But thats part of the package, so rough it up and get some doner meat done properly down you. 72%

Malmaison - Brasserie Brilliance

The high-brow hotel chain's only site in the North East doesn't cut any corners. Here you'll find the same level of prestige service as would in any other of the 12 Malmaisons across the United Kingdom. This tower of excellence is as beautiful as you would expect on the inside and this theme is carried through into the restaurant. You are likely to feel like an extra in a Bond film as a result of the royal furnishings and superb level of table service. The seductive and dark, but not dingy styling will certainly set the mood. But the Fat Spoon places food above all of these characteristics and thankfully their menu reflects this high calibre style of restaurant. They offer a variety of iconic and decadent dishes from across the continent that are delicious without the need for being pretentious or tiny in portions. They combine exotic components with classic and homely dishes, resulting in excellent food that will leave you feeling very satisfied. The "Mal burger" is a must for burger lovers. And they of course complement this excellent range of dishes with an extravagant cocktail list and superb selection of wines. However, this sovereign menu doesn't come without a seriously hefty price tag...expect to pay through the teeth. A bank loan might even be required, because they really don't mess around. But for a truly special occasion, it's definitely worthwhile. But if you are a Gourmet society card holder then you can save a tidy sum. 92%

Riley's Fish Shack - Gourmet on the Go!

This elusive wonder can be found at various festivals and fairs across the region. Be it music, food or beer festivities, their freshly prepared sea food delights will compliment any mood. Their line up often includes smoked mackerel wraps, calamari kebabs, chunky fish fisher sandwiches and a Monk fish head-liner. All of which are expertly seasoned and grilled before you. If you're within 100 metres of their stall the scent of these smokey pleasures will draw you like a rampant mouse to cheese. The pricing is a little cheeky, but to be as expected at such street food stalls. Overall verdict...a must for every fish loving festival goer. 73%