Mamak Corner - The Del Boy of Chinatown

The Only Fools and Horses reference isn't there to suggest that their menu has any equestrian dishes on it, although there is certainly something a little shady going on at Mamak Corner. This Malaysian (but also unconvincingly also Chinese) restaurant, situated at the very end of Stowell street has a lot going for it. Their venue is very attractive, with it's whole crispy ducks in the window and clean finish. The waiting staff are very friendly and there are some really tasty dishes on the menu that differ greatly from the typical Chinese dishes elsewhere on the street. This is of course thanks to their Malay orientation, which they need to be more proud and forthcoming with...why the hell are you competing with Chinese cuisine on the only street in Newcastle that has as many of them as Downtown Beijing?!

The menu is definitely worth sampling and despite the bewilderment riddled within, you can bag yourself something truly delicious. However, make a wrong choice and you can easily be chowing down on a dish that's got a worse bone to meat ratio than a carcass, or bits of fatty meat that may turn you to the dark side (Vegetarianism)! But for the adventurous, this is merely just another challenge to be conquered and enjoyed. The main thing that lets down Mamak Corner, is that although it has a stunning bar, well equipped with a variety of spirits and wines...they don't serve alcohol?! This makes the Fat Spoon very very upset. It's all very well not serving alcohol for whatever reason, but don't lure in the Friday night club with your malicious J2O-serving deception and tea-drinking treachery! We won't ask how the lost their alcohol license...

With this being quite a set back for the restaurant, dinners may choose to opt for visiting this place under lunchtime arrangements. And that can be well accommodative with the variety of special offers, including super cheap set menus, karaoke and even... happy hour drink offers?! At least their confusion is consistent. This is definitely somewhere that could be great, also needs Gordon to come along and give it a huge kick up the backside. 55%

Istanbul Cafe Bistro - Rustic but Radgie

Just a stones throw away from the (relative) bustle of Haymarket is what seems to be a new installation of actual Turkey (the country, not the munter of a bird). That being an exceptionally authentic three storey cafe/tower serving delicious home cooked Turkish cuisine. You may begin to question your safety as you climb the first hostel-like stairway, but once you're tackled with the distinct aroma of their open BBQ grill coupled with an almost agressive amount of spice and garlic, you will know you've made a solid choice. These sorts of establishments can be judged on your inabilty to pronounce the names of dishes, the more drunk you sound...the better the selection; and at Istanbul they don't disappoint! Here they over a wide range of healthy but flavoursome grilled meat dishes, all of the expected classic hot and cold mezze dishes as well as those taste infusion dishes involving lamb and lentils and aubergine that you would expect from a proper Turkish diner. They also have some interesting breakfast dishes and some frankly weird desserts for the bold. As is also typical with such places the food is very very well priced, the decor is plain ugly and the staff are a little moody - possibly incapable of smiling at all first, though a few jokes in they'll warm to most people. But thats part of the package, so rough it up and get some doner meat done properly down you. 72%

Simply Greek Tavern - My Big Fat Greek Feast

Truly authentic Greek restaurants are extremely elusive in the UK, and that's particularly true of Newcastle. But for some mad reason there are two pretty much adjacent to one another in Newcastle's Bigg market. One of which is about as Greek as it gets, the aptly named Simply Greek Tavern and thankfully it isn't in financial disarray. The staff are attentive and offer a Mediterranean-warm welcome, fitting in their dated but exceptionally Greek blue and white restaurant. If you start knocking back the ouzos you might even end up thinking you are in Greece....which would be hugely disappointing if you were to walk out and you're outside Bambu and a 17 year chav has just been sick on your shoe whilst his girlfriend threatens to fight you. Despite its location the food at Simply Greek is fantastic, the dishes are rich and robust without being overly unhealthy, as Greek food should be. You can expect all the classics such as moussaka, souvlaki and kleftiko as well as fresh hummus by the pint! They even offer a very interesting special Sunday mezze platter for two that definitely sh*ts all over the standard bland Sunday roast. Better still, all of this great food is perlexingly affordable given the quality and quantity of their dishes. Real Greek food and Greek prices, time to smash some plates and get some Greek bait down you. 83%

Flavours - An Utter Abomination

Now the Fat Spoon has eaten at a gargantuan number of restaurants in Newcastle, across the country and even the world to some extent, without ever experiencing a good Indian buffet restaurant. Flavours is no exception to this. If uninspiring and greasy curries, with meat that's probably barely safe for animal consumption in an faceless venue is what you're after, then Flavours is spot on. Indian cuisine is all about intense variety in colour, flavour and texture; so you would expect curry to lend itself to the buffet format. But it tends to be the more dishevelled and sloppy restaurants that take on the challenge and of course they inevitably fail. The food at Flavours is beyond generic and generally a travesty. Even drunk tramps might question dining there. What dubious meat you may come across in the curries are likely to be drowning in an ocean of oil and seriously lacking in integrity. Buffet restaurants are never going to be renowned for their high level of table service and again Flavours follows the trend. Flaccid in character and quite lazy. Even if you want a cheap and dirty fill, a donner kebab from Munchies has more gourmet class. The take home message.....avoid Flavours. 19%

Santana's Jesmond - An Italian with Budget Brilliance!

Looking for authentic Italian food that doesn't cost the world? Then you needn't look elsewhere. Santana's is a proper Italian restaurant that delivers expertly cooked and substantial cuisine, but unlike most good Italian restaurants, they don't charge obscene prices. Although the menu isn't at all outlandish, there are a few interesting quirks as well as classics that are all worth sampling. If you are looking to splash the cash, they have a great selection of wines and some brilliant fillet steak, Sea-bass and king prawn dishes. The deep fried brie is a crucial starter to opt for. The level of service is good, although some of the younger waiting staff are a little untrained, they do offer friendly and welcoming service across the board. But where Santana's really hits its stride is the sheer mind-boggling value for money of their set menus. Even the stingiest of students can't complain at 3 course lunch for less than £4! A strongly recommended restaurant for anyone, regardless of their budget. 84%

Happiness Inn - The Daredevil's Chinese

Despite this restaurant being situated in a prime location, it often goes unnoticed by pretty much everyone. In all fairness it isn't the most appealing looking restaurant, but overlooking the Happiness Inn would mean missing out on some of the finest Chinese cuisine in the city. After clambering up the derelict stairwell you will be shocked to find a relatively attractive palace-like restaurant with an imperial aura about it. You are immediately greeted by exceptionally joyous staff (so happy that you might question their recreational habits), who will offer you a crucial choice. A choice that will dictate the outcome of your meal for gourmet glory or dining disaster. Opt for the Chinese menu, as the English menu will only disappoint you more than NUFC's recent games. The Chinese menu, however, holds a huge host of excellent and authentic dishes, brimming with flavour, spice and delight. The level of service remains excellent throughout the night as you struggle to decide what you want to eat, as part of the fun of the Chinese menu is deciphering it. Although there are some pictures and short English descriptions of the dishes, they can often be very misleading, or even completely wrong. The food is brilliant, but there are a number of dishes that offer parts of animal that you didn't think were remotely edible. Despite looking like alien genitalia, the frilled kidneys are exceptional, a must try. On the other hand  the Fat Spoon will eat most things, except chicken feet, they're easily the most hideous thing on the planet. The stew style dishes are particularly tasty and great value for menu as they're gigantic. Life is far too short to stick to the boring lemon chicken dishes and bland chow meins. Take a risk and give the wonders of the Happiness Inn a try. 79%

Ottoman - A Taste of the Turkish Summer

If you're hoping to open a new restaurant in the centre of Newcastle, you had better have something new to bring to the table. Thankfully, Ottoman brings you authentic Turkish barbecue food not found in the city centre. There are similar places dotted across Fenham, but none with the same high calibre of cuisine, or as nice a venue. Their menu covers all the wonders of Turkey that many of us come to expect such as moussakka, falafel and halloumi, as well as number of more exotic Turkish dishes. Their wine range isn't bad and best of all, they've kept the prices of their food and drink relatively low. The quality of ingredients is good, and although they won't win any awards for gourmet excellence any time soon, they are definitely worth a try. Word of warning however, the entire restaurant IS a barbecue, expect temperatures near that of the sun and enough smoke to make your eyes water like Niagara falls. But you can always close your eyes, they're not necessary for devouring one of the highly recommended mixed grill platters. 75%

Little Asia - Budget Authenticity

If you're looking for very fresh and vibrant Chinese cuisine that won't pillage your wallet, then Little Asia is where you need to be. As you step into this little wonder you will instantly know that the food will be the real deal. You will be confronted by a divine aroma, typical of traditionally prepared Chinese food. The decor is extremely rustic, bordering on dilapidated, but here it's all about the food. It may take you up to 3 hours to decide what to eat, as the menu is the size of an Argos catalogue, but staff are happy to recommend their favourites. Although some dishes may not be to your taste or may exhibit cuts of meat that aren't commonly found in a Western diet. However, largely the food is fantastic. Rich in flavour and arriving in monstrous portions with generous quantities of meat, these dishes really are great! With mains costing as little as £7 and being large enough to feed half of Newcastle, Little Asia fits even the tightest of diners' budgets. A must for anyone who is sick of the generic and bland Chinese buffet restaurants of Newcastle. 82%