Al Buco - New Life in an Exhausted Genre

Why has Italian food been done to death in this country?! You can’t walk fifty metres in Newcastle’s city centre without coming across either a half arsed effort at independency or a vulgar, mind-numbingly generic ‘Italian’ franchise restaurant. And regardless of origin, these substandard approaches always seem to offer the same uninspiring menus, addled with inaccurate renditions of pizza (usually completely molested by American influence), excessively creamy pasta dishes or lethargic attempts at steak. However, 2016 has seen someone with a real passion for authentic Italian food finally set up shop in the centre of Newcastle, just a stone’s throw from Monument.   

Al Buco represents a lot of what is great about social Italian dining - its family run, very welcoming, exceptionally comfortable and literally everything is prepared in-house, giving the whole place a brilliant home-grown vibe. And that’s not say they’ve cut corners on delivery, you can expect everything dished out here to be of fine-dining quality and markedly better the likes of the nearby, horrifically overpriced chain restaurants. And better still, they take great pride in the authenticity of their dishes and don’t conform to the Italian culinary normative that our society wrongly expects. Their carbonara isn’t laden with litres of double cream but is crafted with egg and fresh pasta; their pizzas haven’t been overloaded with greasy toppings but are light, crisp and ultimately delicious and their lasagne will make local franchise restaurant managers want to quit their day jobs. 

This café bar naturally lends itself to lunchtime dining, but late afternoon visits and relaxed evening drinks here can also be easily envisaged, and as (or more accurately if) summer develops this venue will serve for a perfect one-stop shop for shoppers and workers alike to indulge in real Italian food and drink. The extra effort seen across their menu, such as the simply outstanding tiramisu, as well as the atypical (assumingly region-specific) additions to the menu certainly haven’t gone unnoticed, as hasn’t their relentless efforts to please customers with warming service and highly competitive menu pricing. 88% 

Ice Cream Showdown - Kaspa's Desserts versus Mark Toney

Kaspa's, an American-style ice cream franchise beast has recently arrived in Newcastle, but this city already has it's long standing king of ice cream - Mark Toney; and this old school café has no intention of moving over. Kaspa's is a hugely exciting concept that has already conquered fifteen locations across the country. The Newcastle site, like the others, is an aggressively colourful American style dessert diner, offering a variety of ice cream sundaes as well waffles, crepes, milkshakes and distasteful cakes - bubble gum cake simply shouldn't exist.

The three Mark Toney cafes of Newcastle couldn't be more different to the American giant, they exist as micro time warps, with 60's styling throughout and a classic café menu to match. They offer an excellently greasy full English for a mere £5 as well as great cakes, pasties and pastries. But Mark Toney cafes are largely renowned in Newcastle for their outstanding array of quality ice creams, particularly high valued on the scarce sunny days that we get. They offer a variety of cones, tubs and excellent value large takeaway tubs, where they're more than happy to let you go wild on ice cream varieties. And you can be confident that every scoop is of outstanding quality and flavour; well deserving of their multiple 'great taste awards'.

Kaspa's do have some excellent ice creams to offer, but as is typical of money hungry franchises, they do what they can to cut corners. The great high quality flavoured ice cream is usually diluted with flavourless 'ice cream factory' style ice cream as well as ridiculous amounts of whipped cream. Whereas Mark Toney will always give you a full pot of the real deal, and won't douse their desserts in sugar-rich fake chocolate sauce. And although the portions at Kaspa's are pretty hefty, they also seem to think £7+ is an acceptable price for their short cut sundaes. Where good old Mark Toney is a fraction of that cost. What's more, once you look past the initial bright lights and vibrant colours of Kaspa's, you quickly realise its nothing more than a vulgar, plastic coated, over priced McFlurry station set up for greedy kid's birthday parties and those hoping to eat their way out of the woes of their life.

For variety, flavour richness and sheer quality of ice cream, there can only ever be one winner here - Mark Toney cafés. Proving that old school really is the best school. Kaspa's can take their soggy pancakes and whippy pretend ice cream back to the states.

Mark Toney cafés 76%
Kaspa's Desserts 57%

Fitzgeralds Newcastle - Posh Pub with a Knockout Menu

Having gone unnoticed, for apparently years, this cheeky little gastro pub has had a recent refurbishment...bringing it straight into the Fat Spoon's eye. Now sporting a classy finish and plenty of British culture, its well worth a try. This is another of Newcastle's many pub/restaurant that offers a fantastic selection of real ales, continental beers and decent array of wines. However, it has something a lot of the others don't. A well conjured contemporary British menu that delivers a variety of warming dishes that are somehow both very robust and elegant at the same time. The menu seems to be augmented fairly often, which isn't necessarily a negative... experimentation should always be commended. They do all the pub classics in a way that makes them look, smell and taste like something innovative and new, brilliant. The pub platter to share is an absolutely crucial starter, featuring a beef and red wine pie, an angelic sausage butty, an outstanding hamhock terrine and a brilliant duck croquette. The Fat Spoon almost lost it completely with this amazing dish. The level of service is very good and the prices aren't at all offending, stop wasting your time with amateur bland and feeble pub dinners and make a visit to Fitzgeralds soon. 82%

Happiness Inn - The Daredevil's Chinese

Despite this restaurant being situated in a prime location, it often goes unnoticed by pretty much everyone. In all fairness it isn't the most appealing looking restaurant, but overlooking the Happiness Inn would mean missing out on some of the finest Chinese cuisine in the city. After clambering up the derelict stairwell you will be shocked to find a relatively attractive palace-like restaurant with an imperial aura about it. You are immediately greeted by exceptionally joyous staff (so happy that you might question their recreational habits), who will offer you a crucial choice. A choice that will dictate the outcome of your meal for gourmet glory or dining disaster. Opt for the Chinese menu, as the English menu will only disappoint you more than NUFC's recent games. The Chinese menu, however, holds a huge host of excellent and authentic dishes, brimming with flavour, spice and delight. The level of service remains excellent throughout the night as you struggle to decide what you want to eat, as part of the fun of the Chinese menu is deciphering it. Although there are some pictures and short English descriptions of the dishes, they can often be very misleading, or even completely wrong. The food is brilliant, but there are a number of dishes that offer parts of animal that you didn't think were remotely edible. Despite looking like alien genitalia, the frilled kidneys are exceptional, a must try. On the other hand  the Fat Spoon will eat most things, except chicken feet, they're easily the most hideous thing on the planet. The stew style dishes are particularly tasty and great value for menu as they're gigantic. Life is far too short to stick to the boring lemon chicken dishes and bland chow meins. Take a risk and give the wonders of the Happiness Inn a try. 79%

Ottoman - A Taste of the Turkish Summer

If you're hoping to open a new restaurant in the centre of Newcastle, you had better have something new to bring to the table. Thankfully, Ottoman brings you authentic Turkish barbecue food not found in the city centre. There are similar places dotted across Fenham, but none with the same high calibre of cuisine, or as nice a venue. Their menu covers all the wonders of Turkey that many of us come to expect such as moussakka, falafel and halloumi, as well as number of more exotic Turkish dishes. Their wine range isn't bad and best of all, they've kept the prices of their food and drink relatively low. The quality of ingredients is good, and although they won't win any awards for gourmet excellence any time soon, they are definitely worth a try. Word of warning however, the entire restaurant IS a barbecue, expect temperatures near that of the sun and enough smoke to make your eyes water like Niagara falls. But you can always close your eyes, they're not necessary for devouring one of the highly recommended mixed grill platters. 75%

Café Rouge - The French Response

With Newcastle being one of the few British cities that refuses to taste the effects of the recession, another franchise held in high esteem sees itself brought to the city. Café Rouge has over 120 installations across the country, and this is reflected by their well refined menu. It covers all bases with simple set menus for breakfast, lunch and dinner as well as some classic French dishes on the set menu. Again although the food is tasty, well cooked and offers some high quality ingredients that you don't see every day, the menu is let down by lacking in something more exotic and interesting. Where is the Escargot?! That said, the level of service is great and the sharp decor give the restaurant a real continental feel. It may well be the best French restaurant in the city centre, but that's because it's the only French restaurant in the city centre. French food could certainly be better represented by a more authentic independent restaurant. 74%

Akbars Newcastle - The Benchmark Curry House Comes to the Toon

Akbar's is a long established Indian restaurant chain from Bradford. It's greatly received ambience and menu has won it numerous awards which allowed the chain to rapidly spread across the country. They pride themselves on having higher calibre food and service than the standard Indian restaurant, and this does apply to their Newcastle branch. The sharp and modern décor coupled with the high level of waiting service really does generate a warm and comfortable atmosphere. Although employing a very cheap looking laminated card menu after all that effort was disappointing to see. Slack. The menu has all the classic dishes you would expect as well as some interesting duck and rabbit dishes and also some speciality Pakistani dishes that feature some adventurous organs and limbs. The quality of ingredients and level of preparation are good, but despite the interesting additions to their menu, the dishes did lack some of the flavoursome punch that can be found in some of the higher rated Indian restaurants of Newcastle. Akbar's is certainly a crowd pleaser and great for parties with something to celebrate, but if you're looking for a higher standard of authentic cuisine, then there are other options. The pricing isn't the cheapest either. 74%

Las Iguanas - Latin Lovin'

Despite being a relatively widespread franchise, Las Iguanas really does dish out an abundance of Latin passion. Every aspect of the restaurant, from menu, to drinks, to decor and music really create a radiant Hispanic feel that will leave feeling like you've just walked into Latin America. They offer a wide range of classic fajitas, enchiladas and tacos as well as a plethora of more interesting and exotic Brazilian dishes and Barbacoa. The cuisine is consistently good, rich in tantalising flavours that will leave you tingling with Latin spirit! Las Iguanas also doubles up as a great cocktail bar, that avoids the mundane usual classic cocktails and substitutes them with a range of sensual Latin American and Caribbean inspired cocktails and punches. The price tag on the food and drinks is fairly reasonable, but the experience delivered by the great food and pleasant staff will leave the vast majority of restaurant goers very content! 84%

Yo Yo Noodle - Cheap and Cheerful Chinese

Looking for something a little more interesting than your standard boots meal deal or foot long subway for lunch? This noodle bar franchise has exactly what you need. Choose from a range of noodles, varieties of meats, fresh vegetables and sauces; which are then all flash fried in a wok before you. The sizzling delights are then deposited in a trendy noodle box complete with chop sticks that will leave you feeling like you're an extra in an American sitcom. On this visit the quality of ingredients were decent, the sauces were flavoursome and best of all - the portions were delightfully gargantuan. Don't expect authentic gourmet Chinese cuisine here, this fast food outlet is well aware of its standings as a quick and easy lunch vendor. The super chunky Udon noodles with roast duck in a Singapore curry sauce went down a treat with the Fat Spoon. 60% 

Noosh - Moroccan Revamp

What was previously a very good contemporary-style restaurant with a wide range of dishes seems to have recently changed hands. But not all change is bad, and the new Moroccan theme looks to be set to please. The interior retains the same welcoming but sleek feel to it, which compliments the new menu really well. As typical to the cuisine, the dishes are rustic and wholesome, with   the added warmth of Moroccan spices that you would expect. The Fat Spoon recently indulged in their lamb shank tagine, a delicious medley of slow cooked lamb, vegetables and lentils infused with a myriad of subtle but complimentary spices. The meat being tender enough to fall off the bone with the stroke of a fork made this dish exceptionally tasty. The prices may be a little steep for some, but the offer of set menus and gourmet society card discounts make this place a worthwhile venture. The waiter was keen, but frankly a little pungent (it had clearly been a long shift for this chap). Definitely worth a visit if you fancy something a little out of the ordinary. 70%