À la carte restaurants are brilliant; often considered the pinnacle of the fine dining experience, providing delicious and elegant food in a sophisticated environment. But sometimes that simply isn't what you want. Sometimes all you want is sheer, glutinous volume. Monstrous portions of fat and carbs that ultimately provide you with an immense feeling of greedy satisfaction as well as strong hints of self-loathing, only achieved by going completely wild at a buffet restaurant. If you're not struggling to breath and walking like you're about to lay an egg after one, then you're doing it wrong. Chinese buffets like Lau's 202 do it well, as do world buffets like Za Za Bazaar, but notoriously, Indian attempts at buffet restaurants are typically disgusting and considered a total abomination in the eyes of the Fat Spoon.
However, Aneesa's buffet restaurant breaks this age-old tradition of repugnancy, offering an encompassing Indian and Pakistani dining experience at a very fair price. Unlike most 'Indian' buffet restaurants, the Quayside Aneesa's presents itself as a clean cut and stylish venue with a huge number of tables and a never-ending flow of good quality Indian classic dishes, including plenty of vegetarian features as well as a beastly amount of meat. Everything from masala fish and lamb seekh kebabs to tarka dhal and palak paneer are available, all of which are prepared to a solid standard. What sets Aneesa's apart from the others is that fact that their starters haven't been re-fried 16 times, their mains aren't drowning in a viscous layer of grease and they even offer some made-to-order speciality dishes. They really do have the Punjabi dining concept right - good food and savage amounts of it.
The only let down for Aneesa's is the lack of traditional Indian sweets available, they've unfortunately taken the general approach to buffet desserts and just sliced up a series of feeble and bland gateaux/sponges, straight from the bargain bin at Iceland. Although this is an understandable business move given the cost associated with producing butter and sugar-rich classic Indian desserts. They've also copped out to some extent with the inclusion of limp pizzas and some dubious attempts at Chinese food - if you come to an Indian restaurant willingly partaking in these travesties, then you need to go home and reassess your life. However, overall Aneesa's provides an accurate selection of Indian/Pakistani cuisine, in an easy to sample format with a professional approach on service. And best of all, you can eat grotesque amounts of food until you're a pakora away from being sick on yourself and somehow that's still totally socially acceptable. 80%
Mrs Ali's is a long standing firm favourite with students, professionals and families a like, and that's probably down to the consistency and simplicity of their service. All of their dishes come in at a good standard, a fair price and are reasonable in size. There's nothing ground breaking at Mrs Ali's, but that isn't her game plan, she just wants to see everyone fed on some solid Asian cuisine. And at that mission, this place is definitely bang on the money.
All of the typical curries are there - rogan Josh, lamb gosht, tandoori chicken and the likes, as well as some exemplary, freshly baked naans. Unfortunately they also still serve atrocities like Peshwari naans, chicken kormas and other vulgarities of western 'Indian' cuisine. The Fat Spoon does not approve of such smut, there's probably more culture in some Dixy's chicken out of a bin near the Gate. But at least they're keeping everyone happy, and there's much more authentic cuisine on the menu to outweigh the filth. Going for their highly sharable set menu is not only great value for money, but also covers all bases in the curry house experience.
The service at Mrs Ali's is definitely to be commended, because unlike many of the curry houses in the country, the waiting staff aren't moody, illiterate or have some sort of issue with using deodourant. In fact they are particularly welcoming here, with Mrs Ali herself often at the front of house to welcome diners. However, the best feature of Mrs Ali's has to be exceptional value for money, particularly with the 6 course happy night offer, available on Thursdays and Sundays. Enough food to keep anyone happy and covers all of the specials on the menu (prawns have a small supplementary charge) and is accompanied with a glass of wine. This wine may taste like tramp chunder mixed with the sweat of a fat man, but the food itself is a huge bargain alone. 81%
The dining and bar trade is often riddled with lame gimmicks these days that only ever endeavour to offer you less of the good stuff for more of your cash. Naan bread's on sticks, cocktails in tea pots and meat starved burritos to mention but a few. However, there is a particularly unique restaurant experience that most people in Newcastle have heard of but oddly very few have had the bottle to go ahead and seize it. Of course that doesn't include the ever cuisine crazed Fat Spoon. That is the The Valley's "A Passage to India" service that takes you from Newcastle to their beautifully archaic converted-ticket office restaurant in Corbridge. Along with it's two sister restaurants (The Valley Junction 397 and The Valley Connection 301), the family has been awarded with multiple awards over the years including last year's Good Curry Guide 'Best in the North East'. It isn't quite the Fat Spoon's #1, but it's definitely up there, the curry train experience being of particular interest. At £32-37 per head some may argue it is a little pricey, but when you account for all that is included you will quickly realise it is a great deal. A very charming waiter will greet you under the big clock of central station before you board the regular train to Corbridge (ticket price included), he will then offer you a drinks of your choice (not so included, but sufficient banter will provide you plenty). The excellent service continues in the restaurant, and there's little chance of delay for food as you can select your dishes during the train ride. The food is both delicious and plentiful... even the most seasoned of curry munchers will struggle to finish everything they are offered; and no dish is off limits, so go wild. There's reasonable flexibility in terms of your return train, whether you chose to sample the brilliant local pubs, or contently sit in the restaurant as you struggle to breath having eaten a grotesque amount of great food. What's more, with this being an Indian restaurant of outstanding calibre you're not likely to be spending much of the next day clutching on to the Andrex. All the delights of Indian cuisine, without hideous Indian trains or gastrointestinal infections. Winner. 88%
