David Kennedy's River Cafe - Fine Tyne Dining

Although historical naivety in the management of the Black Door might have cost David Kennedy's Food Social at the Biscuit Factory its existence, the highly reputable cuisine brought to the North East by the restaurant chain certainly lives on in North Shields. The slightly more casual venture - David Kennedy's River Café, aptly named for its Fish Quay situation, provides a refreshing outlook on archetypal fine-dining that effortlessly avoids any pretentiousness or need for nonsensical exorbitance. To put it bluntly, David Kennedy's River Café offers delicious British cuisine that is both wholesome and elaborate without being up its own arse.


The restaurant's menus strike the perfect balance between intricacy and value, the well constructed à la carte, set menu and Sunday selections boast robust, classical dishes with sufficient finesse to drive away any sense of pub food culture. In particular, the restaurant does well to avoid the drabness usually associated with Sunday lunch by ensuring every element of their food is perfectly on point. And better still, the kitchen capitalises on their waterfront location by regularly incorporating products from the local fish market into their cooking, resulting in ultra-fresh and expertly prepared fish and shellfish dishes that absolutely must be sampled by avid seafood fans.


As with the menu, the décor here is clean-cut but warming and similarly the service offered reflects that theme very well. It's only major limitation versus other fine dining ventures within its class is probably its location, whilst providing picturesque views and seafood sourcing benefits, North Shields might not be the most attractive prospect for the unfamiliar. However, for those looking for no-nonsense British food, cooked to an exceptionally good standard and almost ludicrously low prices, David Kennedy's River Café provides the perfect setting. 89%


 

Lola Jeans Newcastle - The Brasserie Bar

Newcastle is rapidly becoming a hub of fine dining and international cuisine culture, which is further supported by an ever-flourishing development of brilliant new bars and pubs. Many of these new establishments try their hand at being somewhere in between. This is what sets the new installation of Lola Jeans apart, it isn't a hybrid like some of the other cowboys. It is both a stunningly beautiful bar as well as an elegant yet full-bodied dining experience.

Developed as a re-mastered version of the well established Lola Jeans in Tynemouth, the new site has gone above and beyond it's predecessor in terms of décor and vibe. The vintage styling here trumps that of any other venue in the city and will instantly generate an ambience of finesse without feeling archaic. The drinks menu isn't the most extensive, but it doesn't need to be. Most of the classic cocktails are there as well as some original numbers and are delivered with sensual precision. Accompanied with some great beers and again a small but strong wine menu means Lola Jeans is the perfect bar for relaxed drinks with any crowd.

Although the Tynemouth branch has a solid menu, it's city centre sister is much more provocative and racy. They've made increased efforts at being much more extraordinary compared to some of it's competitors, denoted by the inclusion of the likes of the catfish bon bons, smoked pig cheeks and pant-wettingly good beef short rib. And although the sandwiches and burgers are great, the real show-stoppers here are the sharing boards. They've clearly sourced some outstanding produce to make these luscious platters beyond sexy. And although they aren't huge in quantity, you will be hugely satisfied with the sheer quality of the meat they present to you. The service is on par with the great cuisine and enticing surroundings, making Lola Jeans Newcastle the perfect venue for any occasion. And if the message in this final paragraph wasn't clear - you are absolutely indebted to order a meat board here, your stomach demands it! 86%

Keco - Asian Authenticity

The Asian taste invasion continues, with yet another relatively new and very Chinese restaurant in Newcastle. It looks like Stowell street is longer enough to contain the abundance of brilliant Chinese cuisine that's being cooked up in Newcastle, as a new restaurant seems to pops up in the surrounding areas every other week. Keco is a strange one, but being strange doesn't mean it can't be utterly delicious. Situated next to the ever vulgar diarrhoea-mongering Chicken Cottage, Keco has a swath, clean cut finish unlike some of the more rustic siblings in the heart of China Town. This dark but seductive theme, along with it's very central location means it's not a bad place for nice evening meal followed by drinks in town.

Like many of the other Chinese restaurants on and near Stowell street, they feel compelled to offer a weak 'Western menu' (or Westren menu as they like to call it), offering dull sweet and sour generics and pitiful 'curry' <insert meat> dishes. They also have some poorly placed Thai dishes pasted into the menu for further pointlessness. Are there still culinary Neanderthals out there eating this muck? Thankfully, Keco has more than redeemed itself with a particularly strong Traditional menu, which boasts deeply intense flavours and interestingly delicious cuts of meat - indicative of truly authentic Chinese cuisine.

The Fat Spoon's life advice of Chinese restaurants? Always always always opt for the traditional/Chinese menu. There may well be some risk involved, but without that risk you wouldn't have the opportunity to sample something new and brilliant. Keco encompasses the sheer passion of Chinese cuisine in their monstrous hot pots, fiery hot dried beef, oddly-named man and wife offal slices, and their outstandingly rich belly pork dishes. Don't be afraid of dishes served cold. Don't be afraid of dishes with weird names. And definitely don't be afraid of eating offal. The Chinese have mastered these dishes for centuries and Keco can replicate them at a fantastic standard. One of the greatest benefits of living in a multicultural city is having access is to these foreign wonders of taste. The large portions mean the food is very well priced, and although English might not the be the serving staff's first language (or second of third), they are ultra friendly and welcoming. Visit soon and try something that would probably scare your Grandma. 83%

Mrs. Ali's - The Benchmark Balti House

Mrs Ali's is a long standing firm favourite with students, professionals and families a like, and that's probably down to the consistency and simplicity of their service. All of their dishes come in at a good standard, a fair price and are reasonable in size. There's nothing ground breaking at Mrs Ali's, but that isn't her game plan, she just wants to see everyone fed on some solid Asian cuisine. And at that mission, this place is definitely bang on the money.

All of the typical curries are there - rogan Josh, lamb gosht, tandoori chicken and the likes, as well as some exemplary, freshly baked naans. Unfortunately they also still serve atrocities like Peshwari naans, chicken kormas and other vulgarities of western 'Indian' cuisine. The Fat Spoon does not approve of such smut, there's probably more culture in some Dixy's chicken out of a bin near the Gate. But at least they're keeping everyone happy, and there's much more authentic cuisine on the menu to outweigh the filth. Going for their highly sharable set menu is not only great value for money, but also covers all bases in the curry house experience.

The service at Mrs Ali's is definitely to be commended, because unlike many of the curry houses in the country, the waiting staff aren't moody, illiterate or have some sort of issue with using deodourant. In fact they are particularly welcoming here, with Mrs Ali herself often at the front of house to welcome diners. However, the best feature of Mrs Ali's has to be exceptional value for money, particularly with the 6 course happy night offer, available on Thursdays and Sundays. Enough food to keep anyone happy and covers all of the specials on the menu (prawns have a small supplementary charge) and is accompanied with a glass of wine. This wine may taste like tramp chunder mixed with the sweat of a fat man, but the food itself is a huge bargain alone. 81%

The Hop and Cleaver - The New King of All Things Meaty

The American grill cuisine trade is absolutely booming in the UK, thanks largely to that (ex-)fat bloke from the eternally brilliant 'Man VS Food' television programme. Slow-cooked meats, hot wings and cheese coated carbs being at the very forefront of that beastly taste invasion from the states. There are some restaurants that put a lot of time into developing their brand and making sure their flavours are spot on. However, there are many pubs and restaurants that make meagre efforts with sodden pulled pork, parched flavourless brisket and feebly spiced "hot" wings; often trying to raise the profile of their flaccid menu with this half-baked attempt at grill house cuisine.

The Hop and Cleaver however, has done absolutely everything right. Perched next to one of the best pubs in town, this well hidden wonder generates an atmosphere of sheer sensual smoky seduction. And it's not all about the meat, having a genuine interest in craft beers means they're another one of those microbrewery type places, their bulging tanks proudly on show within the eatery. And to completely abolish any of their sluggish pseudo-American competition, they have also supported their food with some heavy duty shakes, traditionally outlandish cocktails and of course, plenty of bourbon.

So the drinks are fantastic here, as is the service and the whole feel of the place. But anyone who's anyone (or just greedy) will tell you that's all about the way they do their meat. Coating chunky succulent ribs in a batter made of chicken and frying the lot may sound like utter smut, but it's actually genius. Their beautifully grotesque methods of lifting meat to unholy levels continues with feast sharers...the blue cheese tomahawk steak and beer can chicken.  Their crates of 14 hour brisket, luscious pulled pork and super sticky hot wings will have you fellating your own fingers when you're done. And all of which can be coupled with some properly filthy sides. This is American food, done exactly as the fatties intended. Awesome. 89%

Mamak Corner - The Del Boy of Chinatown

The Only Fools and Horses reference isn't there to suggest that their menu has any equestrian dishes on it, although there is certainly something a little shady going on at Mamak Corner. This Malaysian (but also unconvincingly also Chinese) restaurant, situated at the very end of Stowell street has a lot going for it. Their venue is very attractive, with it's whole crispy ducks in the window and clean finish. The waiting staff are very friendly and there are some really tasty dishes on the menu that differ greatly from the typical Chinese dishes elsewhere on the street. This is of course thanks to their Malay orientation, which they need to be more proud and forthcoming with...why the hell are you competing with Chinese cuisine on the only street in Newcastle that has as many of them as Downtown Beijing?!

The menu is definitely worth sampling and despite the bewilderment riddled within, you can bag yourself something truly delicious. However, make a wrong choice and you can easily be chowing down on a dish that's got a worse bone to meat ratio than a carcass, or bits of fatty meat that may turn you to the dark side (Vegetarianism)! But for the adventurous, this is merely just another challenge to be conquered and enjoyed. The main thing that lets down Mamak Corner, is that although it has a stunning bar, well equipped with a variety of spirits and wines...they don't serve alcohol?! This makes the Fat Spoon very very upset. It's all very well not serving alcohol for whatever reason, but don't lure in the Friday night club with your malicious J2O-serving deception and tea-drinking treachery! We won't ask how the lost their alcohol license...

With this being quite a set back for the restaurant, dinners may choose to opt for visiting this place under lunchtime arrangements. And that can be well accommodative with the variety of special offers, including super cheap set menus, karaoke and even... happy hour drink offers?! At least their confusion is consistent. This is definitely somewhere that could be great, also needs Gordon to come along and give it a huge kick up the backside. 55%

The Bridge Tavern - Give us a Brew Love

Many entrepreneurs in the hospitality trade are greedy pigs. They literally want it all, a fully functioning restaurant that doubles up as a trendy bar, cool coffee house, night club and occasionally a brothel. And generally these places are more confused than the British political system; are occupied by the filth of society and are ultimately doomed to fail. But occasionally they succeed, with the right ingredients of classy styling, quality food and a superior interest in Newcastle's more refined (i.e. not trebles) drinking culture. Town Wall's new sibling is an example of such a place that is more than just a gastro pub. They've taken all of the thrills of the Town Wall - pub food done really well, a very healthy selection of ales and a lively active evening drinking venue, then given it an irresponsible dose of steroids. As well as an on-site microbrewery in collaboration with the Wylam Brewery, that is not only functional but also a very visual attractive. The monstrous variety of ales on tap is probably the only thing that will stop you from climbing into one of the brewing tanks.

The menu holds some small quirks but is largely made up of classic pub food....done excellently, without a whiff of ponce. And best of all, their dishes come only as fat boy portions, always a winner with the Fat Spoon. Aside from the beastly fish and chip that'll have a bite of you if you're not careful; and the Mixed grill for two (hundred) they do also offer some interesting sharing platters and Broad Chare-esque bar snacks. The prices are fair across the board and you can expect some friendly service here. But predominantly, this place is likely to become a nature reserve for real ale drinkers. A place that they can they to find shelter, warmth and great pub food. A place they can sample a huge variety of local and not so local beers. A place they drink without fear of chavs or undergraduate students vulgarly chinning Carling or skittles. 

Although a very friendly and welcoming pub during the day, the Bridge Tavern does have a great 'trendy-pub' type of atmosphere in the evening, just like the Town wall. The great food and microbrewery features given it quite an edge over other 'regular' gastro pubs....which means this place should definitely be on your list of places to try soon. 83%

Sohe - Asian Amalgamation

Not all of Newcastle's culinary action resides in the city centre, a number of fantastic fine dining experiences have started to set up shop a little further out. And many of them, like Sohe, can be found in Jesmond, however there is something quite special about Sohe. It has dared to go in a direction that many others have tried but generally monumentally failed to achieve, Asian fusion. Fusion cuisine can be dirty word in cuisine. It's often an excuse to cut corners, utilise cheaper ingredients or just force flavours together that would rather have a fight. No, melting blue cheese on to my lamb tagine is not cooking innovation, it's vulgar and despicable. However, the creators of Sohe's elaborate menu know exactly what they're doing.

Their very successfully accomplished classic Thai, Indonesian and Malaysian dishes are delivered with contemporary class on par with many of Newcastle's heavy hitters. Yet they achieve this without deviating from the originals too heavily, keeping the hardcore Nasi Goreng and beef rendang fans very happy. Dishes that refined looking, that even your grandma would be keen to tuck in, but should she linger in the spicy sauces too long, she'll be hit in the dentures with a fist full of Asian amazement. They don't stop at savoury either, with the fusion incorporation extended to some fantastic desserts.

The restaurant itself is even more alluring and quite possibly the sexiest restaurant of Newcastle. They have combined a huge variety of decor components that should be visually offensive and burn your eye balls out of your skull. But somehow they've achieved another element fusion here, an explosion of vibrancy that creates an exciting dining atmosphere as well as a elegantly lively bar area. The service is very good and although the menu is a little pricey, they do offer diners club discounts. They even have a Vietnamese coffee machine that looks like R2D2 after it won the Euromillions. 91%

The Herb Garden - Fresh Thrills

There are only a few things out there that make the Fat Spoon very angry. Such atrocities include over priced coffee shops, alcohol-free beer and smelly people in restaurants. But what really makes the Fat Spoon froth at the mouth with rage is crap pizzas. These spongy, bland and lifeless faux Italian dishes are served up in many of the generic restaurant chains in Newcastle. Even some of the independent places think its acceptable to overlook what should be a vibrant and delicious main, often concentrating on their main meat courses. Worst of all, people are buying these compilations of weak bread, baseless tomato puree and skeptical mozzarella. Stop it! Don't encourage these jokers, because thankfully The Herb Garden has the solution for this abomination of the Italian classic. Although a little off the beaten track this visually stunning walk-in restaurant will certainly surprise you....burning the image of freshness on to the back of your retina. The main dining area features an actual herb garden used to lift their pizzas to a heavenly level of flavour vibrancy. Multiple pizza stoves means they can churn out perfectly thin pizzas that even Mario's mam could argue with; married with the finest Italian meats, golden mozzarella and of course ultra-fresh herbs. Freshness of course being imperative for maximum flavour when it comes to herbs. And for those with some sort of weird affliction to pizzas they do offer a range of meaty specials, their carnivore platter and steak board being if particular interest. The food and drink is reasonably priced and the service is great. Fall in love with pizza again. 84%

Bistro FORTY6 - Shoe Box Superiority

These days the country is littered with generic contemporary Italian or contemporary English restaurants, with little character and uninspiring menus. Often there's nothing wrong with their food (aside from being borderline extortionist), but fine dining must be visually exciting and gastronomically arousing. The Fat Spoon demands it. Gladly, Bistro FORTY6 knows exactly what it's doing. Despite being the size of student's living room, the tantalizing aromas from the kitchen, attractive decor and decent clientele helps create a very pleasant atmosphere in this dwarf restaurant. Don't expect to have your food in a hurry, as the lone waitress covering the whole restaurant herself can only go so fast and why rush something that is going to be brilliant. Despite seemingly running the whole show single-handedly, this particular waitress had more banter than a drunk comedian, a big plus for the Fat Spoon. The menu is strong. It showcases a range of sound but interesting seafood and meat dishes. And they certainly have a knack for scallops, the tempura scallops starter suggests a dish resembling deep fried shoe sole. But this dish was executed with razor sharp perfection. The main dishes also have masses of finesse, a particular favourite being the belly pork dish. Sex on a plate. Although it isn't at the cutting edge of fine dining, it's pretty damn close. Bistro FORTY6 isn't the cheapest of restaurants, but at least that keeps the scabbier diners out. They do offer a substantial discount with the Gourmet Society card however, making a visit here an absolute bargain. 85%

Za Za Bazaar - Buffet Slayer

This is definitely a first. The Fat Spoon is having to eat it's own words. In a previous review (of Flavours) it was vowed that Indian food could never be done well in a buffet format. This new restaurant from Bristol had the Fat Spoon very much mistaken. This literally dazzling restaurant is another one of those world buffets, except the interior concept is anything but bland. The interesting layout, retina-burning neon lights and beautifully aggressive colour scheme generates a very holiday-esque aura. Like all world buffet restaurants they aim to cover all bases with a vast ranges of stations such as Italian, Tex Mex, 'British' and Chinese. But these are generally tag-on cuisines with little to offer other than making you fat with carbohydrate overload. The real heavy hitters at Za Za Bazaar include the substantial Indian contingency, Thai curries and Vietnamese dishes. If you can resist the generics of the restaurant and focus on specialities of Indian and Far East Asia, then you will be in for a right treat. They've clearly sourced a large number of excellent international chefs that are not only able to produce the classics, but also rarer regional dishes such as Dosas, Amritsari machi, gulab jamun, Pad Thai, Shui Ziu fish and Nasi Goreng to name a few. This flavour explosion is as vibrant as the decor here and might leave you weak at the knees and the sheer volume will definitely result in you walking like a 30 stone gangster rapper with a peg leg. Fantastic. The service is and quality of excellent, but you would expect that from somewhere that's just opened and has put so much into their opening delivery. What will be interesting is how Za Za Bazaar deal with the test of time, that usually sees other world buffets crumble in integrity and quality, like the British transport system when we get half an hour of snow. But for now it is vigorously recommended that you give Za Za Bazaar a try. 84%

@ Bangkok Café - Taste True Thailand

There are a handful of restaurants in the city that claim to be authentic Thai restaurants, but @ Bangkok Café renders them all as obsolete. The restaurant doesn't look particularly exciting, but that isn't important, it's all about the food here. As you walk through the door you'll get Thai kicked to the face with an infusion of outstanding aromas. The menu is well priced and offers a good variety of traditional Thai dishes. All of which are well cooked and hugely flavoursome. If you're looking for a Thai level of hotness however, you'll have to ask for it as their dishes are aimed at western clientèle. If you do ask for more chillies expect to have your tongue completely brutalised. But that's what Thai food should depict, strong and intense flavours that certainly aren't for those with a feeble palate. Your grandma probably wouldn't approve....but the Fat Spoon thinks the food is great. Portion sizes are perfect, and they do offer some more generic set menus and lunchtime deals if you're a watching your expenditure. And if you watching your waist, Thai food is inherently healthy, give it a try. 84%

Fitzgeralds Newcastle - Posh Pub with a Knockout Menu

Having gone unnoticed, for apparently years, this cheeky little gastro pub has had a recent refurbishment...bringing it straight into the Fat Spoon's eye. Now sporting a classy finish and plenty of British culture, its well worth a try. This is another of Newcastle's many pub/restaurant that offers a fantastic selection of real ales, continental beers and decent array of wines. However, it has something a lot of the others don't. A well conjured contemporary British menu that delivers a variety of warming dishes that are somehow both very robust and elegant at the same time. The menu seems to be augmented fairly often, which isn't necessarily a negative... experimentation should always be commended. They do all the pub classics in a way that makes them look, smell and taste like something innovative and new, brilliant. The pub platter to share is an absolutely crucial starter, featuring a beef and red wine pie, an angelic sausage butty, an outstanding hamhock terrine and a brilliant duck croquette. The Fat Spoon almost lost it completely with this amazing dish. The level of service is very good and the prices aren't at all offending, stop wasting your time with amateur bland and feeble pub dinners and make a visit to Fitzgeralds soon. 82%