Aneesa's - Curry, Curry...and More Curry

À la carte restaurants are brilliant; often considered the pinnacle of the fine dining experience, providing delicious and elegant food in a sophisticated environment. But sometimes that simply isn't what you want. Sometimes all you want is sheer, glutinous volume. Monstrous portions of fat and carbs that ultimately provide you with an immense feeling of greedy satisfaction as well as strong hints of self-loathing, only achieved by going completely wild at a buffet restaurant. If you're not struggling to breath and walking like you're about to lay an egg after one, then you're doing it wrong. Chinese buffets like Lau's 202 do it well, as do world buffets like Za Za Bazaar, but notoriously, Indian attempts at buffet restaurants are typically disgusting and considered a total abomination in the eyes of the Fat Spoon.

However, Aneesa's buffet restaurant breaks this age-old tradition of repugnancy, offering an encompassing Indian and Pakistani dining experience at a very fair price. Unlike most 'Indian' buffet restaurants, the Quayside Aneesa's presents itself as a clean cut and stylish venue with a huge number of tables and a never-ending flow of good quality Indian classic dishes, including plenty of vegetarian features as well as a beastly amount of meat. Everything from masala fish and lamb seekh kebabs to tarka dhal and palak paneer are available, all of which are prepared to a solid standard. What sets Aneesa's apart from the others is that fact that their starters haven't been re-fried 16 times, their mains aren't drowning in a viscous layer of grease and they even offer some made-to-order speciality dishes. They really do have the Punjabi dining concept right - good food and savage amounts of it.

The only let down for Aneesa's is the lack of traditional Indian sweets available, they've unfortunately taken the general approach to buffet desserts and just sliced up a series of feeble and bland gateaux/sponges, straight from the bargain bin at Iceland. Although this is an understandable business move given the cost associated with producing butter and sugar-rich classic Indian desserts. They've also copped out to some extent with the inclusion of limp pizzas and some dubious attempts at Chinese food - if you come to an Indian restaurant willingly partaking in these travesties, then you need to go home and reassess your life. However, overall Aneesa's provides an accurate selection of Indian/Pakistani cuisine, in an easy to sample format with a professional approach on service. And best of all, you can eat grotesque amounts of food until you're a pakora away from being sick on yourself and somehow that's still totally socially acceptable. 80%

Moulin Rouge Cafe - Hidden Persian Gem

Westgate road and the areas of Fenham that it lead up to are an absolute haven for numerous sub-standard 'cafés', 'restaurants' and 'takeaways' of sheer filth. Generic, baseless menu's that poorly represent Persian or Asian cuisine; childishly and arrogantly parading shawarmas, kebabs and mixed grills of questionable meat, married with lacklustre flavours in vulgar venues. Many of which even the drunk-beyond-belief low life of the region would turn their noses up at. But it isn't all doom and grease on Westgate Road, there are handful of hidden gems amongst the rotten eggs and Moulin Rouge is definitely the crown jewel amongst them.

Moulin Rouge is a god send for anyone looking for an affordable but delicious solution to authentic Persian cuisine. Fresh ingredients, a simple open kitchen, daily specials and a very welcoming atmosphere are all features that Moulin Rouge should certainly pride themselves on. Better still, their not afraid of going beyond the standard 'grilled meat with rice on a plate', (although they do that very well too), they also provide a selection of less common traditional dishes....a wet dream for any restaurant punter sick of the sight of generic dishes that riddle dining culture these days.

Although it appears to be a simple café, Moulin Rouge is a whole lot more than that, their more complex specials, cheerful BYOB policy and highly accommodative service means that you can celebrate almost any occasion in this perfectly relaxed rustic venue. And if that wasn't enough, the sheer cost effectiveness and clean-eat nature of their cuisine will have you coming back time and time again. Although if you are wanting your fill of grease, then they've also perfected the art of hangover breakfasts, offering bargainous fry-ups that might literally save your bacon. On top of all that, they even have plenty of choice for those odd vegetarian types! - literally every man, woman and child needs to give Moulin a try. 81%

Sohe - Asian Amalgamation

Not all of Newcastle's culinary action resides in the city centre, a number of fantastic fine dining experiences have started to set up shop a little further out. And many of them, like Sohe, can be found in Jesmond, however there is something quite special about Sohe. It has dared to go in a direction that many others have tried but generally monumentally failed to achieve, Asian fusion. Fusion cuisine can be dirty word in cuisine. It's often an excuse to cut corners, utilise cheaper ingredients or just force flavours together that would rather have a fight. No, melting blue cheese on to my lamb tagine is not cooking innovation, it's vulgar and despicable. However, the creators of Sohe's elaborate menu know exactly what they're doing.

Their very successfully accomplished classic Thai, Indonesian and Malaysian dishes are delivered with contemporary class on par with many of Newcastle's heavy hitters. Yet they achieve this without deviating from the originals too heavily, keeping the hardcore Nasi Goreng and beef rendang fans very happy. Dishes that refined looking, that even your grandma would be keen to tuck in, but should she linger in the spicy sauces too long, she'll be hit in the dentures with a fist full of Asian amazement. They don't stop at savoury either, with the fusion incorporation extended to some fantastic desserts.

The restaurant itself is even more alluring and quite possibly the sexiest restaurant of Newcastle. They have combined a huge variety of decor components that should be visually offensive and burn your eye balls out of your skull. But somehow they've achieved another element fusion here, an explosion of vibrancy that creates an exciting dining atmosphere as well as a elegantly lively bar area. The service is very good and although the menu is a little pricey, they do offer diners club discounts. They even have a Vietnamese coffee machine that looks like R2D2 after it won the Euromillions. 91%

Dabbawal - Street Food Sensation

Unfortunately due to the grossly vast number of generic "Indian" restaurants that have populated this country since the 80's the majority of people think Indian cuisine is solely based on meat in sauce, dry old rice and a bit of limp bread. Wrong. Indian food is highly diverse and should be vibrant, fresh and certainly not just in the form of dog food like dishes. Thankfully there are a handful of properly Indian restaurant in Newcastle that are striving to smash this backward tradition. Rasa on the Quayside has covered Keralan cuisine like an absolute boss, whereas Dabbawal has taken a different approach and produced a perfectly mixed menu that encompasses the cuisine of various regions of India. India is all about real, none-pretencious food. And Dabbawal has used the street food theme to express how interesting and different the cuisine really can be. Food that can be both highly energetic in terms of flavours and spice as well as elegant and perfectly well balanced. Their menu depicts how they're also no scared of incorporating new elements into classic dishes such as their brilliant Duck Nilgiri and Punjabi Chicken Lollipops. But they haven't neglected true street food favourites like their chaats, Railway Lamb Curry and Gol Guppa. The restaurant is just as fresh and well presented as their menu and dishes. You can also expect friendly and knowledgeable service alongside a good wine menu. Indian food is all about brutally delicious flavours, if you don't like your spice then maybe you should stick to parmos and cheesy chips. The only downside to Dabbawal is that it's a little on the expensive side and portions sizes aren't massive. However if you're ready to hoy that feeble chicken tikka massala in the bin and try something that's both authentically Indian and hugely flavoursome, then Dabbawal have the spice sensations you need. Food quality is very good to, so don't worry about the heat smashing your back doors in/out. 89%

The Valley - All Aboard the Curry Train

The dining and bar trade is often riddled with lame gimmicks these days that only ever endeavour to offer you less of the good stuff for more of your cash. Naan bread's on sticks, cocktails in tea pots and meat starved burritos to mention but a few. However, there is a particularly unique restaurant experience that most people in Newcastle have heard of but oddly very few have had the bottle to go ahead and seize it. Of course that doesn't include the ever cuisine crazed Fat Spoon. That is the The Valley's "A Passage to India" service that takes you from Newcastle to their beautifully archaic converted-ticket office restaurant in Corbridge. Along with it's two sister restaurants (The Valley Junction 397 and The Valley Connection 301), the family has been awarded with multiple awards over the years including last year's Good Curry Guide 'Best in the North East'. It isn't quite the Fat Spoon's #1, but it's definitely up there, the curry train experience being of particular interest. At £32-37 per head some may argue it is a little pricey, but when you account for all that is included you will quickly realise it is a great deal. A very charming waiter will greet you under the big clock of central station before you board the regular train to Corbridge (ticket price included), he will then offer you a drinks of your choice (not so included, but sufficient banter will provide you plenty). The excellent service continues in the restaurant, and there's little chance of delay for food as you can select your dishes during the train ride. The food is both delicious and plentiful... even the most seasoned of curry munchers will struggle to finish everything they are offered; and no dish is off limits, so go wild. There's reasonable flexibility in terms of your return train, whether you chose to sample the brilliant local pubs, or contently sit in the restaurant as you struggle to breath having eaten a grotesque amount of great food. What's more, with this being an Indian restaurant of outstanding calibre you're not likely to be spending much of the next day clutching on to the Andrex. All the delights of Indian cuisine, without hideous Indian trains or gastrointestinal infections. Winner. 88% 

Istanbul Cafe Bistro - Rustic but Radgie

Just a stones throw away from the (relative) bustle of Haymarket is what seems to be a new installation of actual Turkey (the country, not the munter of a bird). That being an exceptionally authentic three storey cafe/tower serving delicious home cooked Turkish cuisine. You may begin to question your safety as you climb the first hostel-like stairway, but once you're tackled with the distinct aroma of their open BBQ grill coupled with an almost agressive amount of spice and garlic, you will know you've made a solid choice. These sorts of establishments can be judged on your inabilty to pronounce the names of dishes, the more drunk you sound...the better the selection; and at Istanbul they don't disappoint! Here they over a wide range of healthy but flavoursome grilled meat dishes, all of the expected classic hot and cold mezze dishes as well as those taste infusion dishes involving lamb and lentils and aubergine that you would expect from a proper Turkish diner. They also have some interesting breakfast dishes and some frankly weird desserts for the bold. As is also typical with such places the food is very very well priced, the decor is plain ugly and the staff are a little moody - possibly incapable of smiling at all first, though a few jokes in they'll warm to most people. But thats part of the package, so rough it up and get some doner meat done properly down you. 72%

Café 21 - The Ultimate in Celebratory Cuisine

Surrounding the festive period and New Years the majority of restaurants across the country, both good and hideous will whore themselves out with 'special' seasonal menus. Many involve feeble attempts at festive cuisine with pointless 'quirky twists' and minuscule portions, which only enrages the Fat Spoon. That said, some of the festive menus are outstanding, but there can only be one king of celebration. That is Café 21, which specializes in offering excellent yet fairly priced set menus all year round. And being part of the 21 Hospitality Group you can expect amazing dishes with a great deal of effort behind each one, made with the finest of ingredients and erupting with finesse. Café 21 is only really out shadowed by it's burly bigger brother, The Broad Chare. But when you want fine dining with all that glitz and glam guff, then Cafe 21 has to be your first choice. So break out the champagne and make your choice from the range of contemporary dishes boasting great game, rotund beef dishes and exquisite seafood. The beautiful presentation across all dishes will make your best efforts look like MasterChef gone wrong. High level food should look as good as it taste, as should the serving staff. Thankfully Café 21 doesn't disappoint. There is also a convenient Café 21 installation in Fenwicks, if MacDonald's doesn't cut it as mid-shopping bait. Definitely another big shot...94%

Blackfriars - Experience Equals Excellence

Well established but also well secluded from the city's visiting riff-raff, Blackfriars has been serving up great food for countless years...literally. This exquisite Dominican friary, stunning from both the outside and in was established in 1239! The food has always been fairly good over the 6 or so years that the Fat Spoon has been dining here, but over the last couple of years they have compiled a menu full of both rusticity and elegance. If you have ventured to Blackfriars in the past, but haven't recently, then it's strongly implored that you make another visit soon. Particularly over the festive season when their ambience really fits the mood. The wine menu is beyond excellent, as is the level of service. But it's the cuisine that really stands out here. Expect pant-wettingly-good dishes that have been constructed with great local produce from across the region. Sophistication minus all of the ponce. Ideal. Although the set menus are more affordable, it's all about there strong signature dishes, so this isn't the place for scrimpers. If you want to try Blackfriars at its best, then why not tackle it at full force and really push the boat...the whole fleet in fact. And if you're booking for a big group, then you can eat like Henry VIII in the adjacent medieval banquet hall, minus the gut, gout and gonorrhoea of course. 91%

Marco Pierre White Steakhouse Newcastle - A New Level of Excellence

Situated in Newcastle's new Hotel Indigo flagship installation, this ultra-highbrow restaurant delivers a new standard of outstanding cuisine to our city. The a la carte menu really does speak volumes, and it isn't all about grilled meat. It features a number of other exquisite contemporary dishes with a variety of international influences. As you'd expect from a restaurant ran by a 3 Michelin starred chef, the quality of food is exceptional and delivered with finesse rarely exhibited in Newcastle. The level of table service is equally outstanding, and genuinely aim to ensure you have the greatest meal possible. They are also very accommodative towards larger groups and celebratory functions, making your special occasion memorable. Although there is the option of an evening set menu, compared to the gourmet wonders on the a la carte, it resembles the McDonald's saver menu. Thus highlighting the only negative point to the Marco Pierre White Steakhouse, the expense. If you aim to indulge to the finest of the menu, i.e. the bresaola, the signature t-bone steak, the cheese board, etc. then you might have to consider a bank loan. But in all fairness, you will be content, at MPWs you get what you pay for...sheer brilliance. Certainly not a place for those on a budget however. 91%

Noosh - Moroccan Revamp

What was previously a very good contemporary-style restaurant with a wide range of dishes seems to have recently changed hands. But not all change is bad, and the new Moroccan theme looks to be set to please. The interior retains the same welcoming but sleek feel to it, which compliments the new menu really well. As typical to the cuisine, the dishes are rustic and wholesome, with   the added warmth of Moroccan spices that you would expect. The Fat Spoon recently indulged in their lamb shank tagine, a delicious medley of slow cooked lamb, vegetables and lentils infused with a myriad of subtle but complimentary spices. The meat being tender enough to fall off the bone with the stroke of a fork made this dish exceptionally tasty. The prices may be a little steep for some, but the offer of set menus and gourmet society card discounts make this place a worthwhile venture. The waiter was keen, but frankly a little pungent (it had clearly been a long shift for this chap). Definitely worth a visit if you fancy something a little out of the ordinary. 70%