Aneesa's - Curry, Curry...and More Curry

À la carte restaurants are brilliant; often considered the pinnacle of the fine dining experience, providing delicious and elegant food in a sophisticated environment. But sometimes that simply isn't what you want. Sometimes all you want is sheer, glutinous volume. Monstrous portions of fat and carbs that ultimately provide you with an immense feeling of greedy satisfaction as well as strong hints of self-loathing, only achieved by going completely wild at a buffet restaurant. If you're not struggling to breath and walking like you're about to lay an egg after one, then you're doing it wrong. Chinese buffets like Lau's 202 do it well, as do world buffets like Za Za Bazaar, but notoriously, Indian attempts at buffet restaurants are typically disgusting and considered a total abomination in the eyes of the Fat Spoon.

However, Aneesa's buffet restaurant breaks this age-old tradition of repugnancy, offering an encompassing Indian and Pakistani dining experience at a very fair price. Unlike most 'Indian' buffet restaurants, the Quayside Aneesa's presents itself as a clean cut and stylish venue with a huge number of tables and a never-ending flow of good quality Indian classic dishes, including plenty of vegetarian features as well as a beastly amount of meat. Everything from masala fish and lamb seekh kebabs to tarka dhal and palak paneer are available, all of which are prepared to a solid standard. What sets Aneesa's apart from the others is that fact that their starters haven't been re-fried 16 times, their mains aren't drowning in a viscous layer of grease and they even offer some made-to-order speciality dishes. They really do have the Punjabi dining concept right - good food and savage amounts of it.

The only let down for Aneesa's is the lack of traditional Indian sweets available, they've unfortunately taken the general approach to buffet desserts and just sliced up a series of feeble and bland gateaux/sponges, straight from the bargain bin at Iceland. Although this is an understandable business move given the cost associated with producing butter and sugar-rich classic Indian desserts. They've also copped out to some extent with the inclusion of limp pizzas and some dubious attempts at Chinese food - if you come to an Indian restaurant willingly partaking in these travesties, then you need to go home and reassess your life. However, overall Aneesa's provides an accurate selection of Indian/Pakistani cuisine, in an easy to sample format with a professional approach on service. And best of all, you can eat grotesque amounts of food until you're a pakora away from being sick on yourself and somehow that's still totally socially acceptable. 80%

Palace Garden - Dim Sum with the Royal Treatment

Sunday afternoon ‘high-tea’ has rapidly become a popular outing for the affluent and those wanting to take the mother somewhere fancy that involves feeding yourself too. But the Chinese have their own variant of ‘high-tea’ that’s somewhat more longstanding – dim sum Sundays. And Palace Garden is undoubtedly the absolute king of this delicious tradition. Although they have a highly comprehensive traditional Chinese menu and dim sum menu throughout the week, on Sundays they offer a highly convenient trolley service that really adds to the mysterious and magic feel of the dim sum dining experience.

With a pictoral menu, it’s very easy to select any number of interesting dumplings, steamy offal dishes and meaty wonders, made to order by the expert chefs at Palace Garden. Better still, speaking to the highly attentive and friendly serving staff will get you out of your comfort zone and trying some of their personal favourites, mooli cake and char sui baau are definitely two dishes worth a try. The numerous trollies, laden with bamboo hampers of beef, pork, fish and ‘other’ meat dim sum will provide you with a ‘YO Sushi!’-like eating format, where food is ever flowing, but without the associated costliness. Their thousand layer cake also abolishes the notion that dessert is absent in Chinese cuisine. And for those weak people lacking in culinary bravery, there’s plenty of ‘normal’ Chinese dishes available too.

Taking the outstanding quality of food, brilliantly personal service and stunning décor of the restaurant into account, it’s easy to recognise why this place is so a popular, there’s even an indoor pond with a bridge over it! Where, seemingly you can choose a sea beast to have cooked and served to you - ultra-freshness points there. The delivery of their dim sum makes Palace Garden simply the best outlet of this cuisine in Newcastle and if you have yet to pop your dim sum cherry, then it’s the ideal place to get broken into this wonderful and varied cuisine. 90%

Bierrex - Meat You by the Taps!

Some see it as a flavour fever. Others as a culinary plague. Wherever you stand, the BBQ grill house revolution has taken over Newcastle (and most of the UK's bigger cities for that matter). Across the board the concept is fairly simple. Super tender slow-cooked beef and pork married with secret BBQ marinades; fiery blackened chicken wings; and carbohydrate enriched sides dishes, all served with copious amounts of craft beer in rustic and characterful diners/gastro-pubs. Where could any of that go wrong?

The sheer number of these BBQ meat foundries means that it's very difficult for newcomers like Bierrex to stand out. Branding themselves as a 'smoke and tap' house, they've tried to segregate themselves from others of their kind by emphasising the beastly number of beers they have on tap. This unlabelled tap feature along with their open kitchen and clean-cut diner type should be a recipe for a fun eating experience. The menu is also pretty well constructed, offering particularly interesting customisable boards with your choice of smoky meats and authentic American sides. Another nice touch is a notice board that displays when their slow cooked wonders saw the oven and when they came out. And all in all, the food is tasty and very well priced, the service is friendly and the ale is (as always) delicious. Their homemade condiments are also rather special.

However, that isn't enough to mark a perfect BBQ dining venture, as the inexperience of the kitchen and serving staff rains through this American dream like a shower of BBQ sauce to the face. Long waiting times between being seated and served is inexcusable on such a small floor; as is spending 15 minutes to plate up the food....leaving half of the dishes barely above room temperature on arrival. And although some of the features, such as the giant sausage, hot wings and macaroni cheese are exceptionally delicious. Other crucial elements like the brisket and pulled pork were definitely missing that special southern flavour...leaving them tasting about as magical as a cold and wet McRib 'burger'. This place has plenty of potential, it just needs to be the place it says it is...rather the half-baked attempt it currently is. Also, calling a pile of pecans chucked on some dry pastry does not count as pecan pie...there's no fooling this Fat Spoon. 70%

Keco - Asian Authenticity

The Asian taste invasion continues, with yet another relatively new and very Chinese restaurant in Newcastle. It looks like Stowell street is longer enough to contain the abundance of brilliant Chinese cuisine that's being cooked up in Newcastle, as a new restaurant seems to pops up in the surrounding areas every other week. Keco is a strange one, but being strange doesn't mean it can't be utterly delicious. Situated next to the ever vulgar diarrhoea-mongering Chicken Cottage, Keco has a swath, clean cut finish unlike some of the more rustic siblings in the heart of China Town. This dark but seductive theme, along with it's very central location means it's not a bad place for nice evening meal followed by drinks in town.

Like many of the other Chinese restaurants on and near Stowell street, they feel compelled to offer a weak 'Western menu' (or Westren menu as they like to call it), offering dull sweet and sour generics and pitiful 'curry' <insert meat> dishes. They also have some poorly placed Thai dishes pasted into the menu for further pointlessness. Are there still culinary Neanderthals out there eating this muck? Thankfully, Keco has more than redeemed itself with a particularly strong Traditional menu, which boasts deeply intense flavours and interestingly delicious cuts of meat - indicative of truly authentic Chinese cuisine.

The Fat Spoon's life advice of Chinese restaurants? Always always always opt for the traditional/Chinese menu. There may well be some risk involved, but without that risk you wouldn't have the opportunity to sample something new and brilliant. Keco encompasses the sheer passion of Chinese cuisine in their monstrous hot pots, fiery hot dried beef, oddly-named man and wife offal slices, and their outstandingly rich belly pork dishes. Don't be afraid of dishes served cold. Don't be afraid of dishes with weird names. And definitely don't be afraid of eating offal. The Chinese have mastered these dishes for centuries and Keco can replicate them at a fantastic standard. One of the greatest benefits of living in a multicultural city is having access is to these foreign wonders of taste. The large portions mean the food is very well priced, and although English might not the be the serving staff's first language (or second of third), they are ultra friendly and welcoming. Visit soon and try something that would probably scare your Grandma. 83%