Al Buco - New Life in an Exhausted Genre

Why has Italian food been done to death in this country?! You can’t walk fifty metres in Newcastle’s city centre without coming across either a half arsed effort at independency or a vulgar, mind-numbingly generic ‘Italian’ franchise restaurant. And regardless of origin, these substandard approaches always seem to offer the same uninspiring menus, addled with inaccurate renditions of pizza (usually completely molested by American influence), excessively creamy pasta dishes or lethargic attempts at steak. However, 2016 has seen someone with a real passion for authentic Italian food finally set up shop in the centre of Newcastle, just a stone’s throw from Monument.   

Al Buco represents a lot of what is great about social Italian dining - its family run, very welcoming, exceptionally comfortable and literally everything is prepared in-house, giving the whole place a brilliant home-grown vibe. And that’s not say they’ve cut corners on delivery, you can expect everything dished out here to be of fine-dining quality and markedly better the likes of the nearby, horrifically overpriced chain restaurants. And better still, they take great pride in the authenticity of their dishes and don’t conform to the Italian culinary normative that our society wrongly expects. Their carbonara isn’t laden with litres of double cream but is crafted with egg and fresh pasta; their pizzas haven’t been overloaded with greasy toppings but are light, crisp and ultimately delicious and their lasagne will make local franchise restaurant managers want to quit their day jobs. 

This café bar naturally lends itself to lunchtime dining, but late afternoon visits and relaxed evening drinks here can also be easily envisaged, and as (or more accurately if) summer develops this venue will serve for a perfect one-stop shop for shoppers and workers alike to indulge in real Italian food and drink. The extra effort seen across their menu, such as the simply outstanding tiramisu, as well as the atypical (assumingly region-specific) additions to the menu certainly haven’t gone unnoticed, as hasn’t their relentless efforts to please customers with warming service and highly competitive menu pricing. 88% 

David Kennedy's River Cafe - Fine Tyne Dining

Although historical naivety in the management of the Black Door might have cost David Kennedy's Food Social at the Biscuit Factory its existence, the highly reputable cuisine brought to the North East by the restaurant chain certainly lives on in North Shields. The slightly more casual venture - David Kennedy's River Café, aptly named for its Fish Quay situation, provides a refreshing outlook on archetypal fine-dining that effortlessly avoids any pretentiousness or need for nonsensical exorbitance. To put it bluntly, David Kennedy's River Café offers delicious British cuisine that is both wholesome and elaborate without being up its own arse.


The restaurant's menus strike the perfect balance between intricacy and value, the well constructed à la carte, set menu and Sunday selections boast robust, classical dishes with sufficient finesse to drive away any sense of pub food culture. In particular, the restaurant does well to avoid the drabness usually associated with Sunday lunch by ensuring every element of their food is perfectly on point. And better still, the kitchen capitalises on their waterfront location by regularly incorporating products from the local fish market into their cooking, resulting in ultra-fresh and expertly prepared fish and shellfish dishes that absolutely must be sampled by avid seafood fans.


As with the menu, the décor here is clean-cut but warming and similarly the service offered reflects that theme very well. It's only major limitation versus other fine dining ventures within its class is probably its location, whilst providing picturesque views and seafood sourcing benefits, North Shields might not be the most attractive prospect for the unfamiliar. However, for those looking for no-nonsense British food, cooked to an exceptionally good standard and almost ludicrously low prices, David Kennedy's River Café provides the perfect setting. 89%


 

Dacantus - Tapas Without the Faff

Dacantus, the self-defined wine bar, signature restaurant and gin lab on Grey street might sound like the wild and confused concept of a drunk Spaniard, but this very pretty place is rapidly becoming a favourite for many, including the Fat Spoon. Why? Because they give you delicious complimentary tapas with every drink you order. EVERY drink! Knock back enough of their excellent gin cocktails and you might even think you're actually in Spain. Dacantus really has done an outstanding job at setting the scene, a stunning venue with a very strong, extensive gin menu and staff that genuinely want you to stay eat all their chorizo-rich delights.

This attractive venue has much more to offer aside from the luxury gins and the persuasive world wine selection, the tapas freebies are there to draw you in for the kill - their excellent contemporary Spanish menu. And it is very much a case of  contemporariness over authenticity, but that's drastically better than the mindless faux-Spanish drivel that the generic tapas chains like to plate up. Although they do offer a well constructed (very) early-bird set menu for a mere £15 (which is possible the cheapest three courses on Grey street), the a la carte menu is where you need to focus your attention. They offer an excellent selection of sea food, pork and beef dishes, many as contemporary versions of Spanish classics, as well as a number of other surprising menu choices. Despite these random features, you can expect every dish to be executed well, in line with the high calibre of their drinks and décor.

Although much of the menu tends to step away from actual Spanish cuisine, they do still retain many Spanish quirks across most dishes and the dining-drinking hybridity of Dacantus certainly holds true to the Spanish way of entertaining. Despite this place being rather small, an expansion of the venue would almost certainly kill the intimacy of this outstanding gin and tapas bar. The commendable standard of service here also fortifies this welcoming atmosphere, making Dacantus the perfect place for casual drinks, pre-theatre diner or a lavish meal out. RIP La Tasca. 90%

Aneesa's - Curry, Curry...and More Curry

À la carte restaurants are brilliant; often considered the pinnacle of the fine dining experience, providing delicious and elegant food in a sophisticated environment. But sometimes that simply isn't what you want. Sometimes all you want is sheer, glutinous volume. Monstrous portions of fat and carbs that ultimately provide you with an immense feeling of greedy satisfaction as well as strong hints of self-loathing, only achieved by going completely wild at a buffet restaurant. If you're not struggling to breath and walking like you're about to lay an egg after one, then you're doing it wrong. Chinese buffets like Lau's 202 do it well, as do world buffets like Za Za Bazaar, but notoriously, Indian attempts at buffet restaurants are typically disgusting and considered a total abomination in the eyes of the Fat Spoon.

However, Aneesa's buffet restaurant breaks this age-old tradition of repugnancy, offering an encompassing Indian and Pakistani dining experience at a very fair price. Unlike most 'Indian' buffet restaurants, the Quayside Aneesa's presents itself as a clean cut and stylish venue with a huge number of tables and a never-ending flow of good quality Indian classic dishes, including plenty of vegetarian features as well as a beastly amount of meat. Everything from masala fish and lamb seekh kebabs to tarka dhal and palak paneer are available, all of which are prepared to a solid standard. What sets Aneesa's apart from the others is that fact that their starters haven't been re-fried 16 times, their mains aren't drowning in a viscous layer of grease and they even offer some made-to-order speciality dishes. They really do have the Punjabi dining concept right - good food and savage amounts of it.

The only let down for Aneesa's is the lack of traditional Indian sweets available, they've unfortunately taken the general approach to buffet desserts and just sliced up a series of feeble and bland gateaux/sponges, straight from the bargain bin at Iceland. Although this is an understandable business move given the cost associated with producing butter and sugar-rich classic Indian desserts. They've also copped out to some extent with the inclusion of limp pizzas and some dubious attempts at Chinese food - if you come to an Indian restaurant willingly partaking in these travesties, then you need to go home and reassess your life. However, overall Aneesa's provides an accurate selection of Indian/Pakistani cuisine, in an easy to sample format with a professional approach on service. And best of all, you can eat grotesque amounts of food until you're a pakora away from being sick on yourself and somehow that's still totally socially acceptable. 80%

Creams - Ice Cream Meltdown

Shortly after the arrival of Kaspa's Desserts, what appears to be a rival but otherwise identical ice cream and desserts chain has hit Newcastle's ever swanky Bigg Market, this one is called Creams. And the dessert house clone is very much identical in every way, offering the same range of ice creams, waffles and crepes, in the same vulgar American format, sprinkled with the same essence of tackiness and the same drizzle of over vibrancy. Creams even looks and sounds the same, brandishing the same tasteless black and pink styling as well as the same obscene soundtrack selected to draw in teenage girls and chav families in their masses.

To give credit where credit is due, the desserts and ice creams at Creams are tasty. They do offer a monstrously encompassing range of flavours and styles at vaguely reasonable prices. And if you're looking for a filthy fix of waffles and multi-flavour ice cream then Creams has exactly what you need. Like Kaspa's its best to avoid the whipped cream and whippy ice cream doused sundaes and go straight for the un-adulterated ice creams. - where you can tailor make your own combo from some excellent ice creams, gelatos and sorbets. But all that is hardly a revelation, their entire menu is composed of sugar and fat - only an utter moron could get such a cuisine wrong. 

Although some of the staff at Cream's are very friendly and charming, others are clearly menaces to society. On the Fat Spoon's recent visit, one member of staff thought it would be wise to use a red hot sundae glass, straight from the dishwasher, to serve ice cream. It's ice cream you complete imbecile. Even a rabid chimp could probably see the error in this, yet the concept of melting ice cream clearly escaped at least one member of Cream's team. All in all, Cream's is at least honest, it knows exactly what it is and is correctly placed at the corner of the Bigg Market. And being completely indistinguishable from it's carbon copy - Kaspa's, it can only receive an identical meagre rating. 57%

No. 28 - The bar-restaurant anomaly

A pseudo bar-club that serves average food at elevated prices - a fairly standard scene in Newcastle. A pseudo bar-club that delivers great food at fair prices - don't be ridiculous! Actually, one of the Fat Spoon's favourite watering holes, No. 28, just by Grainger Market, is just that place. Believe it or not, before the lights get dimmed and the animals of Newcastle ascend in this rather pretty bar, they not only sell food, but they offer a bistro menu that is interesting, (almost overly) varied and largely delicious.

Most bars that dabble in food usually make an utter (crispy) pig's ear of it, offering weakly constructed dishes usually based around soggy pulled pork, uninspiring burgers or desiccated roast dinners. The alternative approach, greedy restaurants that try their hand at a cocktail menu, are equally as shameful. Nobody wants your version of a long island iced tea, "special" because you've dropped the alcohol content with dodgy spirits. Responsibly, No. 28 is neither of these. They really are a dedicated cocktail bar with a great atmosphere, some nice cocktails and a surprisingly strong eatery.

No. 28 boldly holds no allegiance to any one (or two or three) form of cuisine, a strategy that would usually result in a disastrously confused menu and a vulgar variety of substandard dishes. But somehow, No. 28 pulls off culinary diversity really well, across their tapas sharing starters you can expects some brilliant flavours and inventive takes on classics, such as nacho crumbed quesadillas and curried butternut croquettes. They've also been known to serve a welcomed experiment with pulled pork - a giant filo parcel ram-packed with the stunning wet meat and black pudding, served with yet more pork, mashed potato concealed within greens and a whisky sauce. They're probably enraging chefs of Newcastle daily with their boundary-crossing Restaurant Week menu; and they genuinely don't give a monkeys! An approach the Fat Spoon certainly applauds. All in all, at No. 28 you can expect warming table service, some great food accompanied by money saving deals in pleasant surroundings. 85%

Ice Cream Showdown - Kaspa's Desserts versus Mark Toney

Kaspa's, an American-style ice cream franchise beast has recently arrived in Newcastle, but this city already has it's long standing king of ice cream - Mark Toney; and this old school café has no intention of moving over. Kaspa's is a hugely exciting concept that has already conquered fifteen locations across the country. The Newcastle site, like the others, is an aggressively colourful American style dessert diner, offering a variety of ice cream sundaes as well waffles, crepes, milkshakes and distasteful cakes - bubble gum cake simply shouldn't exist.

The three Mark Toney cafes of Newcastle couldn't be more different to the American giant, they exist as micro time warps, with 60's styling throughout and a classic café menu to match. They offer an excellently greasy full English for a mere £5 as well as great cakes, pasties and pastries. But Mark Toney cafes are largely renowned in Newcastle for their outstanding array of quality ice creams, particularly high valued on the scarce sunny days that we get. They offer a variety of cones, tubs and excellent value large takeaway tubs, where they're more than happy to let you go wild on ice cream varieties. And you can be confident that every scoop is of outstanding quality and flavour; well deserving of their multiple 'great taste awards'.

Kaspa's do have some excellent ice creams to offer, but as is typical of money hungry franchises, they do what they can to cut corners. The great high quality flavoured ice cream is usually diluted with flavourless 'ice cream factory' style ice cream as well as ridiculous amounts of whipped cream. Whereas Mark Toney will always give you a full pot of the real deal, and won't douse their desserts in sugar-rich fake chocolate sauce. And although the portions at Kaspa's are pretty hefty, they also seem to think £7+ is an acceptable price for their short cut sundaes. Where good old Mark Toney is a fraction of that cost. What's more, once you look past the initial bright lights and vibrant colours of Kaspa's, you quickly realise its nothing more than a vulgar, plastic coated, over priced McFlurry station set up for greedy kid's birthday parties and those hoping to eat their way out of the woes of their life.

For variety, flavour richness and sheer quality of ice cream, there can only ever be one winner here - Mark Toney cafés. Proving that old school really is the best school. Kaspa's can take their soggy pancakes and whippy pretend ice cream back to the states.

Mark Toney cafés 76%
Kaspa's Desserts 57%

Shiraz - Sheer Authenticity

Newcastle's ever notorious Bigg Market. It's an adulteration of vulgar bars, weird 'clubs' and beyond drunk chavs ruminating on themselves. But thankfully, there are a number of brilliant eateries in the area that have upheld it's worth, as well as a fairly newly-managed Indian restaurant - Shiraz. Despite appearing to be oddly named after the wine yielding Syrah grape of Southern France, Shiraz is all about one thing - real, honest, authentic Punjabi food.

There are probably hundreds of lacklustre and pitifully weak 'Indian' restaurants in Newcastle, the majority of which hiding away in the depths of Fenham. Many of which plating up dubious meat in a variety of uninspiring sauces, most of which can only be differentiated by amount of stale chilli powder in them or the volume of oil they're drowning in. Shiraz, however, is the absolute opposite of these Asian abominations. They offer a comprehensive menu of classic Punjabi cuisine, encompassing brilliant vegetarian classics such as saag paneer and bhindi masala (okra), as well as tonnes of solid meat dishes. Their seekh kebab starter is also very much on point, as is the selection of desserts they offer, which thankfully includes homemade gulab jamun - the Fat Spoon's favourite. The menu doesn't feature anything too adventurous, but when your looking for authenticity in Punjabi cuisine, then Shiraz is quite possibly Newcastle's gold standard.

Oddly their website seems to have been suspended, but that certainly doesn't reflect their level of service. Shiraz offers personal service with a passionate knowledge of their cuisine as well as having that family-run vibe to it. The restaurant is clean cut and doesn't come coated in that layer of scabbiness that often surrounds lower cost Indian restaurants. The dishes are very fairly priced, but possessing a tastecard will reduce the cost of your curry feed to insanely little, bringing it near a rupee-like range and making for an absolute bargain. 83%

Quay Ingredient - Brilliant Breakfast under the Bridge

With the classic greasy spoon trade gradually being extinguished in the city centre (RIP Gourmet Grub) and many more fancy pants breakfast bistros taking their place, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to get a proper big English breakfast, let alone one of high quality; and typically you would have to travel to The Butterfly Cabinet in Heaton to get such a fix. But there’s a cheeky little café on the Quayside that goes by the name of Quay Ingredient that has everything you’d ever want for breakfast, and more.

Despite being a tiny venue, Maggie, hostess at Quay Ingredient will try her best to fit you in somewhere. And even if you do have to wait a little, the outstanding plates offered here are definitely worth the wait. The charm of this place resonates both through their friendly service and encompassing breakfast menu. They offer numerous eggs benedict/Florentine type dishes that are perfectly acceptable choices and delicious of course. But for those people that know what that want in life, the fearless destroyers of food - a fully loaded Quay Ingredient full English is the only thing that will satisfy your lust for pork. And it’s a very well crafted breakfast, a great size and involves some high quality components (particularly good sausages). It doesn’t stop there either, Quay Ingredient has been a purveyor of some brilliant tea well before those Quilliam kids showed up, offering perfectly complimentary brews for your breakfast. They even serve protein shakes for the amino acid junks, proving their constant effort to keep everyone happy.

As well as nailing breakfast, Quay Ingredient also serves up some brilliant sandwiches, cakes, pastries, toasties and coffee…all the kind of things that make greeders happy, and best of all, none of which are served with a that side of snobbery that many high-end cafes make compulsory. So, if you’re looking for that perfect breakfast or lunch fix, delivered by the friendliest café in the city, there is simply only one solution. Forsake that vulgar, soggy, greasy breakfast sandwich with questionable sausage that fat Pam’s greasy spoons is trying to sell you…and get yourself to Quay Ingredient for the real deal. 84%

Palace Garden - Dim Sum with the Royal Treatment

Sunday afternoon ‘high-tea’ has rapidly become a popular outing for the affluent and those wanting to take the mother somewhere fancy that involves feeding yourself too. But the Chinese have their own variant of ‘high-tea’ that’s somewhat more longstanding – dim sum Sundays. And Palace Garden is undoubtedly the absolute king of this delicious tradition. Although they have a highly comprehensive traditional Chinese menu and dim sum menu throughout the week, on Sundays they offer a highly convenient trolley service that really adds to the mysterious and magic feel of the dim sum dining experience.

With a pictoral menu, it’s very easy to select any number of interesting dumplings, steamy offal dishes and meaty wonders, made to order by the expert chefs at Palace Garden. Better still, speaking to the highly attentive and friendly serving staff will get you out of your comfort zone and trying some of their personal favourites, mooli cake and char sui baau are definitely two dishes worth a try. The numerous trollies, laden with bamboo hampers of beef, pork, fish and ‘other’ meat dim sum will provide you with a ‘YO Sushi!’-like eating format, where food is ever flowing, but without the associated costliness. Their thousand layer cake also abolishes the notion that dessert is absent in Chinese cuisine. And for those weak people lacking in culinary bravery, there’s plenty of ‘normal’ Chinese dishes available too.

Taking the outstanding quality of food, brilliantly personal service and stunning décor of the restaurant into account, it’s easy to recognise why this place is so a popular, there’s even an indoor pond with a bridge over it! Where, seemingly you can choose a sea beast to have cooked and served to you - ultra-freshness points there. The delivery of their dim sum makes Palace Garden simply the best outlet of this cuisine in Newcastle and if you have yet to pop your dim sum cherry, then it’s the ideal place to get broken into this wonderful and varied cuisine. 90%

Bierrex - Meat You by the Taps!

Some see it as a flavour fever. Others as a culinary plague. Wherever you stand, the BBQ grill house revolution has taken over Newcastle (and most of the UK's bigger cities for that matter). Across the board the concept is fairly simple. Super tender slow-cooked beef and pork married with secret BBQ marinades; fiery blackened chicken wings; and carbohydrate enriched sides dishes, all served with copious amounts of craft beer in rustic and characterful diners/gastro-pubs. Where could any of that go wrong?

The sheer number of these BBQ meat foundries means that it's very difficult for newcomers like Bierrex to stand out. Branding themselves as a 'smoke and tap' house, they've tried to segregate themselves from others of their kind by emphasising the beastly number of beers they have on tap. This unlabelled tap feature along with their open kitchen and clean-cut diner type should be a recipe for a fun eating experience. The menu is also pretty well constructed, offering particularly interesting customisable boards with your choice of smoky meats and authentic American sides. Another nice touch is a notice board that displays when their slow cooked wonders saw the oven and when they came out. And all in all, the food is tasty and very well priced, the service is friendly and the ale is (as always) delicious. Their homemade condiments are also rather special.

However, that isn't enough to mark a perfect BBQ dining venture, as the inexperience of the kitchen and serving staff rains through this American dream like a shower of BBQ sauce to the face. Long waiting times between being seated and served is inexcusable on such a small floor; as is spending 15 minutes to plate up the food....leaving half of the dishes barely above room temperature on arrival. And although some of the features, such as the giant sausage, hot wings and macaroni cheese are exceptionally delicious. Other crucial elements like the brisket and pulled pork were definitely missing that special southern flavour...leaving them tasting about as magical as a cold and wet McRib 'burger'. This place has plenty of potential, it just needs to be the place it says it is...rather the half-baked attempt it currently is. Also, calling a pile of pecans chucked on some dry pastry does not count as pecan pie...there's no fooling this Fat Spoon. 70%

Moulin Rouge Cafe - Hidden Persian Gem

Westgate road and the areas of Fenham that it lead up to are an absolute haven for numerous sub-standard 'cafés', 'restaurants' and 'takeaways' of sheer filth. Generic, baseless menu's that poorly represent Persian or Asian cuisine; childishly and arrogantly parading shawarmas, kebabs and mixed grills of questionable meat, married with lacklustre flavours in vulgar venues. Many of which even the drunk-beyond-belief low life of the region would turn their noses up at. But it isn't all doom and grease on Westgate Road, there are handful of hidden gems amongst the rotten eggs and Moulin Rouge is definitely the crown jewel amongst them.

Moulin Rouge is a god send for anyone looking for an affordable but delicious solution to authentic Persian cuisine. Fresh ingredients, a simple open kitchen, daily specials and a very welcoming atmosphere are all features that Moulin Rouge should certainly pride themselves on. Better still, their not afraid of going beyond the standard 'grilled meat with rice on a plate', (although they do that very well too), they also provide a selection of less common traditional dishes....a wet dream for any restaurant punter sick of the sight of generic dishes that riddle dining culture these days.

Although it appears to be a simple café, Moulin Rouge is a whole lot more than that, their more complex specials, cheerful BYOB policy and highly accommodative service means that you can celebrate almost any occasion in this perfectly relaxed rustic venue. And if that wasn't enough, the sheer cost effectiveness and clean-eat nature of their cuisine will have you coming back time and time again. Although if you are wanting your fill of grease, then they've also perfected the art of hangover breakfasts, offering bargainous fry-ups that might literally save your bacon. On top of all that, they even have plenty of choice for those odd vegetarian types! - literally every man, woman and child needs to give Moulin a try. 81%

Lola Jeans Newcastle - The Brasserie Bar

Newcastle is rapidly becoming a hub of fine dining and international cuisine culture, which is further supported by an ever-flourishing development of brilliant new bars and pubs. Many of these new establishments try their hand at being somewhere in between. This is what sets the new installation of Lola Jeans apart, it isn't a hybrid like some of the other cowboys. It is both a stunningly beautiful bar as well as an elegant yet full-bodied dining experience.

Developed as a re-mastered version of the well established Lola Jeans in Tynemouth, the new site has gone above and beyond it's predecessor in terms of décor and vibe. The vintage styling here trumps that of any other venue in the city and will instantly generate an ambience of finesse without feeling archaic. The drinks menu isn't the most extensive, but it doesn't need to be. Most of the classic cocktails are there as well as some original numbers and are delivered with sensual precision. Accompanied with some great beers and again a small but strong wine menu means Lola Jeans is the perfect bar for relaxed drinks with any crowd.

Although the Tynemouth branch has a solid menu, it's city centre sister is much more provocative and racy. They've made increased efforts at being much more extraordinary compared to some of it's competitors, denoted by the inclusion of the likes of the catfish bon bons, smoked pig cheeks and pant-wettingly good beef short rib. And although the sandwiches and burgers are great, the real show-stoppers here are the sharing boards. They've clearly sourced some outstanding produce to make these luscious platters beyond sexy. And although they aren't huge in quantity, you will be hugely satisfied with the sheer quality of the meat they present to you. The service is on par with the great cuisine and enticing surroundings, making Lola Jeans Newcastle the perfect venue for any occasion. And if the message in this final paragraph wasn't clear - you are absolutely indebted to order a meat board here, your stomach demands it! 86%

Keco - Asian Authenticity

The Asian taste invasion continues, with yet another relatively new and very Chinese restaurant in Newcastle. It looks like Stowell street is longer enough to contain the abundance of brilliant Chinese cuisine that's being cooked up in Newcastle, as a new restaurant seems to pops up in the surrounding areas every other week. Keco is a strange one, but being strange doesn't mean it can't be utterly delicious. Situated next to the ever vulgar diarrhoea-mongering Chicken Cottage, Keco has a swath, clean cut finish unlike some of the more rustic siblings in the heart of China Town. This dark but seductive theme, along with it's very central location means it's not a bad place for nice evening meal followed by drinks in town.

Like many of the other Chinese restaurants on and near Stowell street, they feel compelled to offer a weak 'Western menu' (or Westren menu as they like to call it), offering dull sweet and sour generics and pitiful 'curry' <insert meat> dishes. They also have some poorly placed Thai dishes pasted into the menu for further pointlessness. Are there still culinary Neanderthals out there eating this muck? Thankfully, Keco has more than redeemed itself with a particularly strong Traditional menu, which boasts deeply intense flavours and interestingly delicious cuts of meat - indicative of truly authentic Chinese cuisine.

The Fat Spoon's life advice of Chinese restaurants? Always always always opt for the traditional/Chinese menu. There may well be some risk involved, but without that risk you wouldn't have the opportunity to sample something new and brilliant. Keco encompasses the sheer passion of Chinese cuisine in their monstrous hot pots, fiery hot dried beef, oddly-named man and wife offal slices, and their outstandingly rich belly pork dishes. Don't be afraid of dishes served cold. Don't be afraid of dishes with weird names. And definitely don't be afraid of eating offal. The Chinese have mastered these dishes for centuries and Keco can replicate them at a fantastic standard. One of the greatest benefits of living in a multicultural city is having access is to these foreign wonders of taste. The large portions mean the food is very well priced, and although English might not the be the serving staff's first language (or second of third), they are ultra friendly and welcoming. Visit soon and try something that would probably scare your Grandma. 83%

Mantra Thai Dining - Prayer of Deliciousness

Unfortunately it seems that poor management and complacency saw the demise of what was the Waterside Palace Chinese restaurant, but thankfully this made way for a beautiful new restaurant to flourish - Mantra. And Mantra really is as ornate and as vibrant as the brilliant Thai cuisine that they serve. After entering this temple of golden serenity you will quickly be given a warm Thai welcome from a member of the very accommodative staff, before being taken to your table.

They're attention to detail and passion for style doesn't stop with the venue, their unique menu reflects their effort and showcases some great Thai dishes. What's unique about Mantra is that their menu doesn't just cover all of the more commercial Thai dishes that the typical punters are looking for. But they also offer authentic traditional Thai cuisine that those with fond back-packing memories of Thailand will be delighted to sample. And unlike some South East Asian restaurants in Newcastle, they haven't butchered the classics by adding European vegetables or alien flavours. They've held true to their roots and committed to intense flavour and of course chilli - plenty of heat, the way Thai cuisine should be. Those who want the real deal can ask the staff for recommendations to obtain that perfect dish. Their signature dishes are an absolute must and include the likes of rich duck curry, Somtum (green papaya salad), Seabass married with tamarind and lamb shank Massaman curry. 

The clean cut service, stunning décor and polished dishes tell you that this is a higher end restaurant, so don't expect any cheap smut here. This is no Bigg market diner. Quality does come at a cost, but at the same time, the pricing at Mantra certainly isn't over the top. Their wine list and drinks menu is also well constructed and offers the perfect accompaniments for the sheer volume of flavour delivered by the food. Finally, a Thai restaurant perfect for marking those special occasions. 86%

Lola Jeans - Tynemouth Tastiness

Tynemouth is now well established is a fantastic place to drink and socialise, particularly when the weather is right. But with winter now threatening Newcastle's favourite seaside resort, it's a good thing that Tynemouth is also supported by some great little eateries. Like some of the others in the area, Lola Jeans is another hybrid bar-gastropub. And thankfully it's got the balance just about right.

Walking into this welcoming and warm bar will have you hunting for the menu almost immediately, as punters all around you tuck into their gourmet burgers and planks of animal. The simple ale and cocktails list is inclusive without being overwhelming and will see you with your drink of choice quickly. Sometimes the best drink is the one that's in your mouth the quickest. And although the food menu appears just as simple, the finished products are much far more constructed, beautiful and delicious than you first expected. The service is also friendly whilst remaining informative, just what you'd want from a good gastro-pub.

Alongside the filthy good burgers and decadent ciabattas they also have a range of great little meals, featuring plenty of fresh and flavoursome produce like crayfish, black pudding, calamari and steak. Portions are sufficient but not huge, so the greeders may wish to opt for a solo attempt at one of their loaded meat boards. Although the Jamie Oliver inspired use of chopping boards to deliver food only serves to enrage the Fat Spoon, it is often a great way of translating masses of meat from kitchen to mouth. There's only one gripe with Lola Jeans - the chairs. Wonky, frail and missing chunks; many of them look like they've been sexually assaulted by a drunk bear. But if you're fortunate enough to get a seat on one of the sofas or more sturdy items of furniture, you'll be able to enjoy your food in comfort. All in all, the perfect place for a gourmet pub lunch. 80%

DOJO - A Huge Fistful of Flavour

The Japanese takeover continues, as DOJO is yet another very fresh, vibrant and delicious Japanese dining experience that has recently set up shop in Newcastle. And it really has taken it's appearance very seriously; the venue is as bright and bold on the inside as it is on the outside. As the name suggests, it's loosely themed on a Japanese martial arts gym, clearly fuelled on bucket loads of LSD. But DOJO isn't just a pretty face, they've clearly also been training hard in the kitchen.

The equally as vibrant menu that DOJO offers may well throw you off your feet. It delivers everyone's favourite Japanese dishes, but also some more obscure dishes for the adventurous, such as their Lobster hot pot, soft shell crab tempura and teriyaki rock oysters. Die hard fans may prefer the way other places do their Katsu curry, but if you're looking to take on a new and exciting bout of Japanese culture, then DOJO is where you'll find it. Like the recently reviewed Osaka, they have a very impressive selection of various sushi, nigiri and sashimi, all served at blackbelt level quality. But what sets DOJO apart, is their very well constructed Teishoku set dinners, which allow you to mix your favourite elements of Japanese food and comes at wallet friendly price...think Bento box but better.

The blazing cuisine and ass-kicking visuals at DOJO are perfectly complimented by ferociously brilliant serving staff. Their perfected knowledge of the cuisine means that they can also suggest a meal to your taste, if taking on the roasted eel set meal is too tough an opponent. DOJO really has the whole package, blending a lively atmosphere with solid flavours in a beautifully elegant way. All the spirit of a real-life Japanese dojo, none of the strange over-weight blackbelts, dirty old mats or cumulatively pungent sweaty smells. 90%

Mrs. Ali's - The Benchmark Balti House

Mrs Ali's is a long standing firm favourite with students, professionals and families a like, and that's probably down to the consistency and simplicity of their service. All of their dishes come in at a good standard, a fair price and are reasonable in size. There's nothing ground breaking at Mrs Ali's, but that isn't her game plan, she just wants to see everyone fed on some solid Asian cuisine. And at that mission, this place is definitely bang on the money.

All of the typical curries are there - rogan Josh, lamb gosht, tandoori chicken and the likes, as well as some exemplary, freshly baked naans. Unfortunately they also still serve atrocities like Peshwari naans, chicken kormas and other vulgarities of western 'Indian' cuisine. The Fat Spoon does not approve of such smut, there's probably more culture in some Dixy's chicken out of a bin near the Gate. But at least they're keeping everyone happy, and there's much more authentic cuisine on the menu to outweigh the filth. Going for their highly sharable set menu is not only great value for money, but also covers all bases in the curry house experience.

The service at Mrs Ali's is definitely to be commended, because unlike many of the curry houses in the country, the waiting staff aren't moody, illiterate or have some sort of issue with using deodourant. In fact they are particularly welcoming here, with Mrs Ali herself often at the front of house to welcome diners. However, the best feature of Mrs Ali's has to be exceptional value for money, particularly with the 6 course happy night offer, available on Thursdays and Sundays. Enough food to keep anyone happy and covers all of the specials on the menu (prawns have a small supplementary charge) and is accompanied with a glass of wine. This wine may taste like tramp chunder mixed with the sweat of a fat man, but the food itself is a huge bargain alone. 81%

The Scrumpy Willow And Singing Kettle - Veggie Haven

The Fat Spoon loves originality. And this alternative little café on Percy Street definitely has it by the bucket load, the main aim of their game being able to cater for vegans, vegetarians and gluten-dodgers in addition to the omnivore masses. The setting is quaint and rustic, but does have a warming feel to it...looking a little like mystics meg's dining room versus your Grandma's house. Despite it's dainty size, you can usually find a table amongst the hippie types floating about, usually discussing tea leaves in far too much details. But this theme of relaxed randomness continues with their menu, which covers breakfast options, Eastern and Indian dishes, as well as contemporary sandwiches, some interesting fish entries and some pretty perfect home baking.

It's all about homemade bait here, and they do what they can to make as much of it as possible on this tiny site. And largely it turns out pretty nice, the baked goods in particular are outstanding. They are the masters of bread and cake. Bow down and kiss the free-range, anti-government, team-nature, organic-lovers ring. And once you've tried their brilliantly rich cakes, scones and treats...you may well follow suit. They've got breakfast covered pretty well too, although portions aren't very big, you can really appreciate the wholesome nature of their takes on classic breakfasts. As said, there is plenty of choice for vegetarians, including some chunky dhal, ever glorious - grilled halloumi and of course falafel. Although on one occasion, the falafel let the side down. What should have been a patty of fried chickpea and coriander goodness tasted more like a ball of desiccating and bland gram flour shame. Don't skimp on the basics Scrumpy!

The service is largely very friendly, although failing to ask how the food was, is always something that will let the experience down. A restaurant should always be proud of their food and should always have the customer's review at the very forefront of their mind. This makes The Scrumpy a rather mixed bag nuts ... probably not dissimilar to many of the clientele. All-in-all it's worth donning your dreadlocks, bohemian clothing and book about 'igniting your free spirit', because The Scrumpy Willow and Singing Kettle has got some organic delights to behold. Particularly if you fear meat like gingers fear the sun, have a serious affliction with all things gluten or just love a bit of good old-fashioned afternoon tea and cake. 71%

The Hop and Cleaver - The New King of All Things Meaty

The American grill cuisine trade is absolutely booming in the UK, thanks largely to that (ex-)fat bloke from the eternally brilliant 'Man VS Food' television programme. Slow-cooked meats, hot wings and cheese coated carbs being at the very forefront of that beastly taste invasion from the states. There are some restaurants that put a lot of time into developing their brand and making sure their flavours are spot on. However, there are many pubs and restaurants that make meagre efforts with sodden pulled pork, parched flavourless brisket and feebly spiced "hot" wings; often trying to raise the profile of their flaccid menu with this half-baked attempt at grill house cuisine.

The Hop and Cleaver however, has done absolutely everything right. Perched next to one of the best pubs in town, this well hidden wonder generates an atmosphere of sheer sensual smoky seduction. And it's not all about the meat, having a genuine interest in craft beers means they're another one of those microbrewery type places, their bulging tanks proudly on show within the eatery. And to completely abolish any of their sluggish pseudo-American competition, they have also supported their food with some heavy duty shakes, traditionally outlandish cocktails and of course, plenty of bourbon.

So the drinks are fantastic here, as is the service and the whole feel of the place. But anyone who's anyone (or just greedy) will tell you that's all about the way they do their meat. Coating chunky succulent ribs in a batter made of chicken and frying the lot may sound like utter smut, but it's actually genius. Their beautifully grotesque methods of lifting meat to unholy levels continues with feast sharers...the blue cheese tomahawk steak and beer can chicken.  Their crates of 14 hour brisket, luscious pulled pork and super sticky hot wings will have you fellating your own fingers when you're done. And all of which can be coupled with some properly filthy sides. This is American food, done exactly as the fatties intended. Awesome. 89%