Lola Jeans Newcastle - The Brasserie Bar

Newcastle is rapidly becoming a hub of fine dining and international cuisine culture, which is further supported by an ever-flourishing development of brilliant new bars and pubs. Many of these new establishments try their hand at being somewhere in between. This is what sets the new installation of Lola Jeans apart, it isn't a hybrid like some of the other cowboys. It is both a stunningly beautiful bar as well as an elegant yet full-bodied dining experience.

Developed as a re-mastered version of the well established Lola Jeans in Tynemouth, the new site has gone above and beyond it's predecessor in terms of décor and vibe. The vintage styling here trumps that of any other venue in the city and will instantly generate an ambience of finesse without feeling archaic. The drinks menu isn't the most extensive, but it doesn't need to be. Most of the classic cocktails are there as well as some original numbers and are delivered with sensual precision. Accompanied with some great beers and again a small but strong wine menu means Lola Jeans is the perfect bar for relaxed drinks with any crowd.

Although the Tynemouth branch has a solid menu, it's city centre sister is much more provocative and racy. They've made increased efforts at being much more extraordinary compared to some of it's competitors, denoted by the inclusion of the likes of the catfish bon bons, smoked pig cheeks and pant-wettingly good beef short rib. And although the sandwiches and burgers are great, the real show-stoppers here are the sharing boards. They've clearly sourced some outstanding produce to make these luscious platters beyond sexy. And although they aren't huge in quantity, you will be hugely satisfied with the sheer quality of the meat they present to you. The service is on par with the great cuisine and enticing surroundings, making Lola Jeans Newcastle the perfect venue for any occasion. And if the message in this final paragraph wasn't clear - you are absolutely indebted to order a meat board here, your stomach demands it! 86%

Keco - Asian Authenticity

The Asian taste invasion continues, with yet another relatively new and very Chinese restaurant in Newcastle. It looks like Stowell street is longer enough to contain the abundance of brilliant Chinese cuisine that's being cooked up in Newcastle, as a new restaurant seems to pops up in the surrounding areas every other week. Keco is a strange one, but being strange doesn't mean it can't be utterly delicious. Situated next to the ever vulgar diarrhoea-mongering Chicken Cottage, Keco has a swath, clean cut finish unlike some of the more rustic siblings in the heart of China Town. This dark but seductive theme, along with it's very central location means it's not a bad place for nice evening meal followed by drinks in town.

Like many of the other Chinese restaurants on and near Stowell street, they feel compelled to offer a weak 'Western menu' (or Westren menu as they like to call it), offering dull sweet and sour generics and pitiful 'curry' <insert meat> dishes. They also have some poorly placed Thai dishes pasted into the menu for further pointlessness. Are there still culinary Neanderthals out there eating this muck? Thankfully, Keco has more than redeemed itself with a particularly strong Traditional menu, which boasts deeply intense flavours and interestingly delicious cuts of meat - indicative of truly authentic Chinese cuisine.

The Fat Spoon's life advice of Chinese restaurants? Always always always opt for the traditional/Chinese menu. There may well be some risk involved, but without that risk you wouldn't have the opportunity to sample something new and brilliant. Keco encompasses the sheer passion of Chinese cuisine in their monstrous hot pots, fiery hot dried beef, oddly-named man and wife offal slices, and their outstandingly rich belly pork dishes. Don't be afraid of dishes served cold. Don't be afraid of dishes with weird names. And definitely don't be afraid of eating offal. The Chinese have mastered these dishes for centuries and Keco can replicate them at a fantastic standard. One of the greatest benefits of living in a multicultural city is having access is to these foreign wonders of taste. The large portions mean the food is very well priced, and although English might not the be the serving staff's first language (or second of third), they are ultra friendly and welcoming. Visit soon and try something that would probably scare your Grandma. 83%

Mantra Thai Dining - Prayer of Deliciousness

Unfortunately it seems that poor management and complacency saw the demise of what was the Waterside Palace Chinese restaurant, but thankfully this made way for a beautiful new restaurant to flourish - Mantra. And Mantra really is as ornate and as vibrant as the brilliant Thai cuisine that they serve. After entering this temple of golden serenity you will quickly be given a warm Thai welcome from a member of the very accommodative staff, before being taken to your table.

They're attention to detail and passion for style doesn't stop with the venue, their unique menu reflects their effort and showcases some great Thai dishes. What's unique about Mantra is that their menu doesn't just cover all of the more commercial Thai dishes that the typical punters are looking for. But they also offer authentic traditional Thai cuisine that those with fond back-packing memories of Thailand will be delighted to sample. And unlike some South East Asian restaurants in Newcastle, they haven't butchered the classics by adding European vegetables or alien flavours. They've held true to their roots and committed to intense flavour and of course chilli - plenty of heat, the way Thai cuisine should be. Those who want the real deal can ask the staff for recommendations to obtain that perfect dish. Their signature dishes are an absolute must and include the likes of rich duck curry, Somtum (green papaya salad), Seabass married with tamarind and lamb shank Massaman curry. 

The clean cut service, stunning décor and polished dishes tell you that this is a higher end restaurant, so don't expect any cheap smut here. This is no Bigg market diner. Quality does come at a cost, but at the same time, the pricing at Mantra certainly isn't over the top. Their wine list and drinks menu is also well constructed and offers the perfect accompaniments for the sheer volume of flavour delivered by the food. Finally, a Thai restaurant perfect for marking those special occasions. 86%

Lola Jeans - Tynemouth Tastiness

Tynemouth is now well established is a fantastic place to drink and socialise, particularly when the weather is right. But with winter now threatening Newcastle's favourite seaside resort, it's a good thing that Tynemouth is also supported by some great little eateries. Like some of the others in the area, Lola Jeans is another hybrid bar-gastropub. And thankfully it's got the balance just about right.

Walking into this welcoming and warm bar will have you hunting for the menu almost immediately, as punters all around you tuck into their gourmet burgers and planks of animal. The simple ale and cocktails list is inclusive without being overwhelming and will see you with your drink of choice quickly. Sometimes the best drink is the one that's in your mouth the quickest. And although the food menu appears just as simple, the finished products are much far more constructed, beautiful and delicious than you first expected. The service is also friendly whilst remaining informative, just what you'd want from a good gastro-pub.

Alongside the filthy good burgers and decadent ciabattas they also have a range of great little meals, featuring plenty of fresh and flavoursome produce like crayfish, black pudding, calamari and steak. Portions are sufficient but not huge, so the greeders may wish to opt for a solo attempt at one of their loaded meat boards. Although the Jamie Oliver inspired use of chopping boards to deliver food only serves to enrage the Fat Spoon, it is often a great way of translating masses of meat from kitchen to mouth. There's only one gripe with Lola Jeans - the chairs. Wonky, frail and missing chunks; many of them look like they've been sexually assaulted by a drunk bear. But if you're fortunate enough to get a seat on one of the sofas or more sturdy items of furniture, you'll be able to enjoy your food in comfort. All in all, the perfect place for a gourmet pub lunch. 80%

DOJO - A Huge Fistful of Flavour

The Japanese takeover continues, as DOJO is yet another very fresh, vibrant and delicious Japanese dining experience that has recently set up shop in Newcastle. And it really has taken it's appearance very seriously; the venue is as bright and bold on the inside as it is on the outside. As the name suggests, it's loosely themed on a Japanese martial arts gym, clearly fuelled on bucket loads of LSD. But DOJO isn't just a pretty face, they've clearly also been training hard in the kitchen.

The equally as vibrant menu that DOJO offers may well throw you off your feet. It delivers everyone's favourite Japanese dishes, but also some more obscure dishes for the adventurous, such as their Lobster hot pot, soft shell crab tempura and teriyaki rock oysters. Die hard fans may prefer the way other places do their Katsu curry, but if you're looking to take on a new and exciting bout of Japanese culture, then DOJO is where you'll find it. Like the recently reviewed Osaka, they have a very impressive selection of various sushi, nigiri and sashimi, all served at blackbelt level quality. But what sets DOJO apart, is their very well constructed Teishoku set dinners, which allow you to mix your favourite elements of Japanese food and comes at wallet friendly price...think Bento box but better.

The blazing cuisine and ass-kicking visuals at DOJO are perfectly complimented by ferociously brilliant serving staff. Their perfected knowledge of the cuisine means that they can also suggest a meal to your taste, if taking on the roasted eel set meal is too tough an opponent. DOJO really has the whole package, blending a lively atmosphere with solid flavours in a beautifully elegant way. All the spirit of a real-life Japanese dojo, none of the strange over-weight blackbelts, dirty old mats or cumulatively pungent sweaty smells. 90%

Mrs. Ali's - The Benchmark Balti House

Mrs Ali's is a long standing firm favourite with students, professionals and families a like, and that's probably down to the consistency and simplicity of their service. All of their dishes come in at a good standard, a fair price and are reasonable in size. There's nothing ground breaking at Mrs Ali's, but that isn't her game plan, she just wants to see everyone fed on some solid Asian cuisine. And at that mission, this place is definitely bang on the money.

All of the typical curries are there - rogan Josh, lamb gosht, tandoori chicken and the likes, as well as some exemplary, freshly baked naans. Unfortunately they also still serve atrocities like Peshwari naans, chicken kormas and other vulgarities of western 'Indian' cuisine. The Fat Spoon does not approve of such smut, there's probably more culture in some Dixy's chicken out of a bin near the Gate. But at least they're keeping everyone happy, and there's much more authentic cuisine on the menu to outweigh the filth. Going for their highly sharable set menu is not only great value for money, but also covers all bases in the curry house experience.

The service at Mrs Ali's is definitely to be commended, because unlike many of the curry houses in the country, the waiting staff aren't moody, illiterate or have some sort of issue with using deodourant. In fact they are particularly welcoming here, with Mrs Ali herself often at the front of house to welcome diners. However, the best feature of Mrs Ali's has to be exceptional value for money, particularly with the 6 course happy night offer, available on Thursdays and Sundays. Enough food to keep anyone happy and covers all of the specials on the menu (prawns have a small supplementary charge) and is accompanied with a glass of wine. This wine may taste like tramp chunder mixed with the sweat of a fat man, but the food itself is a huge bargain alone. 81%

The Scrumpy Willow And Singing Kettle - Veggie Haven

The Fat Spoon loves originality. And this alternative little café on Percy Street definitely has it by the bucket load, the main aim of their game being able to cater for vegans, vegetarians and gluten-dodgers in addition to the omnivore masses. The setting is quaint and rustic, but does have a warming feel to it...looking a little like mystics meg's dining room versus your Grandma's house. Despite it's dainty size, you can usually find a table amongst the hippie types floating about, usually discussing tea leaves in far too much details. But this theme of relaxed randomness continues with their menu, which covers breakfast options, Eastern and Indian dishes, as well as contemporary sandwiches, some interesting fish entries and some pretty perfect home baking.

It's all about homemade bait here, and they do what they can to make as much of it as possible on this tiny site. And largely it turns out pretty nice, the baked goods in particular are outstanding. They are the masters of bread and cake. Bow down and kiss the free-range, anti-government, team-nature, organic-lovers ring. And once you've tried their brilliantly rich cakes, scones and treats...you may well follow suit. They've got breakfast covered pretty well too, although portions aren't very big, you can really appreciate the wholesome nature of their takes on classic breakfasts. As said, there is plenty of choice for vegetarians, including some chunky dhal, ever glorious - grilled halloumi and of course falafel. Although on one occasion, the falafel let the side down. What should have been a patty of fried chickpea and coriander goodness tasted more like a ball of desiccating and bland gram flour shame. Don't skimp on the basics Scrumpy!

The service is largely very friendly, although failing to ask how the food was, is always something that will let the experience down. A restaurant should always be proud of their food and should always have the customer's review at the very forefront of their mind. This makes The Scrumpy a rather mixed bag nuts ... probably not dissimilar to many of the clientele. All-in-all it's worth donning your dreadlocks, bohemian clothing and book about 'igniting your free spirit', because The Scrumpy Willow and Singing Kettle has got some organic delights to behold. Particularly if you fear meat like gingers fear the sun, have a serious affliction with all things gluten or just love a bit of good old-fashioned afternoon tea and cake. 71%

The Hop and Cleaver - The New King of All Things Meaty

The American grill cuisine trade is absolutely booming in the UK, thanks largely to that (ex-)fat bloke from the eternally brilliant 'Man VS Food' television programme. Slow-cooked meats, hot wings and cheese coated carbs being at the very forefront of that beastly taste invasion from the states. There are some restaurants that put a lot of time into developing their brand and making sure their flavours are spot on. However, there are many pubs and restaurants that make meagre efforts with sodden pulled pork, parched flavourless brisket and feebly spiced "hot" wings; often trying to raise the profile of their flaccid menu with this half-baked attempt at grill house cuisine.

The Hop and Cleaver however, has done absolutely everything right. Perched next to one of the best pubs in town, this well hidden wonder generates an atmosphere of sheer sensual smoky seduction. And it's not all about the meat, having a genuine interest in craft beers means they're another one of those microbrewery type places, their bulging tanks proudly on show within the eatery. And to completely abolish any of their sluggish pseudo-American competition, they have also supported their food with some heavy duty shakes, traditionally outlandish cocktails and of course, plenty of bourbon.

So the drinks are fantastic here, as is the service and the whole feel of the place. But anyone who's anyone (or just greedy) will tell you that's all about the way they do their meat. Coating chunky succulent ribs in a batter made of chicken and frying the lot may sound like utter smut, but it's actually genius. Their beautifully grotesque methods of lifting meat to unholy levels continues with feast sharers...the blue cheese tomahawk steak and beer can chicken.  Their crates of 14 hour brisket, luscious pulled pork and super sticky hot wings will have you fellating your own fingers when you're done. And all of which can be coupled with some properly filthy sides. This is American food, done exactly as the fatties intended. Awesome. 89%

Mamak Corner - The Del Boy of Chinatown

The Only Fools and Horses reference isn't there to suggest that their menu has any equestrian dishes on it, although there is certainly something a little shady going on at Mamak Corner. This Malaysian (but also unconvincingly also Chinese) restaurant, situated at the very end of Stowell street has a lot going for it. Their venue is very attractive, with it's whole crispy ducks in the window and clean finish. The waiting staff are very friendly and there are some really tasty dishes on the menu that differ greatly from the typical Chinese dishes elsewhere on the street. This is of course thanks to their Malay orientation, which they need to be more proud and forthcoming with...why the hell are you competing with Chinese cuisine on the only street in Newcastle that has as many of them as Downtown Beijing?!

The menu is definitely worth sampling and despite the bewilderment riddled within, you can bag yourself something truly delicious. However, make a wrong choice and you can easily be chowing down on a dish that's got a worse bone to meat ratio than a carcass, or bits of fatty meat that may turn you to the dark side (Vegetarianism)! But for the adventurous, this is merely just another challenge to be conquered and enjoyed. The main thing that lets down Mamak Corner, is that although it has a stunning bar, well equipped with a variety of spirits and wines...they don't serve alcohol?! This makes the Fat Spoon very very upset. It's all very well not serving alcohol for whatever reason, but don't lure in the Friday night club with your malicious J2O-serving deception and tea-drinking treachery! We won't ask how the lost their alcohol license...

With this being quite a set back for the restaurant, dinners may choose to opt for visiting this place under lunchtime arrangements. And that can be well accommodative with the variety of special offers, including super cheap set menus, karaoke and even... happy hour drink offers?! At least their confusion is consistent. This is definitely somewhere that could be great, also needs Gordon to come along and give it a huge kick up the backside. 55%

Sky Chinese - Dim Sum Delights

Many people seem to be of the impression that the restaurants and cafes of China Town are all the same. Surely they all cook up the same standard Chinese dishes to satisfy all, what does one offer that the other doesn't? Wrong, there's a world of difference between many of the random venues on Stowell Street. Sky is so much more than a run of the mill Chinese buffet that is a popular regular dining experience for Newcastle's growing abundance of radgies. Sky is the very aptly awarded and indisputable king of Dim Sum.

For those that are unfamiliar with Dim Sum, it's essentially the Chinese analogue of tapas cuisine, small and flavoursome dishes, ideal for sharing with large or small groups.  It's more than just wicker baskets with rank chicken feet or testicle like squidgy balls filled with some dubious meat, which is what some buffet restaurants like to present in their shady and forsaken Dim Sum corner. There's much more variety and quality available at Sky. And their food is as real as it gets, so don't expect to like/understand/feel comfortable with every dish on the menu. As proper Chinese food is a million miles away from the typical Western approach on food. There are a few 'interesting' cuts of animal on the menu, but dining out is all about trying new things. It's not like they'll ask you to eat cat placenta, so just be adventurous. 

The host of steamed dumplings and the super special noodles (includes sizable chunks of every species from Old MacDonald's farm and more) are among the Fat Spoon's favourite dishes here. The service is as cheerful as most of Stowell Street's better restaurants, but unfortunately, despite the slow elevator ride to the restaurant you don't get a particularly great view of Newcastle as the name 'Sky' would suggest. The restaurant itself is nice enough and the fact that you can play 'spot the westerner' as you enter the restaurant validates that the food here is truly authentic. 83%

Sausage Emporium - Meaty Goodness All Round

Sausage fest. That's the best way to describe this cheeky new restaurant situated next to the Herb Garden. And it's not like the regular sausage fests that usually entail a diamond strip bar/club, ram packed with Geordie Shore wannabes in low cut t-shirts that would make a Sunderland stripper blush. No, this a wondrous festival of all things sausage based. And they're not at all afraid of getting their meat out.

The creators have produced an adaptable menu that extracts flavours from across the globe and smoothly incorporates them into one of the nations favourites, the humble sausage. It's always encouraging to see restaurants experimenting with produce and The Sausage Emporium has proven it is not at all shy. Moroccan spice, scallops, onion bhajis and Wylam Ale sausages are among some of their interesting concoctions that must be sampled. And for those with a bizarre fear of the sausage, there are plenty of other random, but delicious items on the menu, such as oysters, steak and crab cakes. 

Their flexible menu makes them perfect for lunch or dinner and although their restaurant is very simple, the staff are very attentive and clearly very passionate about their sausage. They even have a sausage dog (he's not on the menu porkers). The food is very fairly priced and they have a fantastic selection of ale. Not to mention a melt in the middle chocolate souffle that will blow your sausage. So what are you waiting for, get some of that sausage down you! 84%

Rupali 1977 - Newcastle's Curry Capital

Established in 1977, Rupali is one of those old school curry houses that validates why the cuisine is a long standing favourite for this nation. Situated in the heart of Newcastle the ever glamorous Bigg market of course, makes Rupali a regular venue for many of the city's patrons. They arrogantly boast a solid reputation holding various awards for their notorious 'curry hell'; numerous celebrity visits and even Gordon Ramsey's recommendation. And in all fairness, the food is very good. Authenticity and quality ingredients are well employed across all of their dishes, making every trip enjoyable. 

You can expect good service in their clean-cut, albeit rather small restaurant up the random flight of stairs near Bambu. And like the vast majority of Indian restaurants, they offer all of the expected 'classics' or rather generic dishes that you can rely on. They also offer a selection of more interesting speciality dishes, although these can be a little expensive given the portion size. Sadly, their special thali dishes (a steel platter of a variety of dishes, rices, bread and dessert - iconic of dining in thousands of India's cafes) has been stripped from the menu. Clearly they've focused on a more profitable à la carte style menu, which is a real shame.

That said, there isn't anything wrong with Rupali, their dishes are indeed very tasty. They've just lost some of their spice based magic. Unless of course you are hunting for heat... if you are particularly keen to tempt a Indian style bout of explosive visits to the toilet, then their naga chilli enriched 'curry hell' will leave you sweating in places you didn't think it were possible. And you haven't burnt most of your tongue off/a hole in your trousers and come to finish it you will get the meal for free. Bargain!....sort of. 80%

Marmaris BBQ House - Meaty Madness

Restaurants don't always have to be super pretty, overtly fancy or come with the most courteous of serving staff to be appreciated in some lights. After all, what's most crucially important (to the Fat Spoon especially) is the food, which is difficult to mess up when you've selected a simple menu. Unless of course, said restaurant's kitchen has the production ability of a defective turd. Marmaris is yet another new restaurant in Newcastle, a Turkish grill house that thankfully isn't too generic. And they're not at all afraid of getting their meat out.

You can expect all of the classic cold starters, such as hummus, stuffed vine leaves, tabelluh and various ezmes, best served as part of a cold meze platter. As well as hot favourites like falafal, various kebabs and koftes, spicy sucuk and of course hallumi. Again great as sharing starters with some of there suspiciously cheap wine. If you're looking for a relatively low fat, high protein main, then the mixed meat grill is exactly what the personal trainer ordered. A medley of all your favourite animals, married together under the smoke and spices of Turkey. Individual meat meals are available, but if you know what's good for you then the mixed grill will suffice.

Marmaris BBQ House is another case of judge a book by it's cover. Sure, the interior looks like a bizarre cross between a kebab shop in Bradford with a doctor's surgery in the Middle East. It isn't your eyes, their TV projector is actually askew and the staff may seem a little dazed and confused, it is still worth a trip. The meat quality seems to be good and you cannot argue with the authenticity of the Turkish barbecue flavours they manage to incorporate into every dish. Get yourself some mint barbie bait, without having to be doused in fire or smoke. 76%

Osaka - Big Flavours in Little Japan

In city where the market of Japanese cuisine is dominated by the likes of St. Sushi, Nudo and Yo! Sushi, it can be very difficult to make a name for yourself even in an under represented dining genre such as Japanese food. You can either take a back seat throne like Spital Tongues' Tenji. Or you can jump right in the thick of it, roaring like a fine dining beast....just like this Beauty. Although the initial vibe you'll get from the teeny tiny Osaka is one of peace and harmony, you will soon find that their menu packs more vibrancy than many of the generic bars and commercial restaurants of Grey Street put together.

Osaka isn't just another run of the mill sushi house, they boast a monstrous variety of these fresh seafood based delights, offering them in all shapes and all sizes. The sheer palate tingling level of freshness continues through to their excellent value bento boxes, their blazing teppanyaki dishes and elegant noodle dishes. But the must try prizes here are amongst the speciality maki and temaki dishes. Deep fried sushi sounds like hideous Scottish molestment of this delicate cuisine. But actually it's the closest you can get to deviant indulgence without taking your clothes off.

Everything fits together at Osaka, from the incorporation of some brilliant Japanese wines and sakes to the beautiful set-up and complementary attendees. Watch out you old timers of sushi production, because Osaka has arrived. It's fresh, it's new....and it's coming for you. And it's definitely contributing to the expension of this hugely vivid Asian cuisine in a sexy way. 85%

The Bridge Tavern - Give us a Brew Love

Many entrepreneurs in the hospitality trade are greedy pigs. They literally want it all, a fully functioning restaurant that doubles up as a trendy bar, cool coffee house, night club and occasionally a brothel. And generally these places are more confused than the British political system; are occupied by the filth of society and are ultimately doomed to fail. But occasionally they succeed, with the right ingredients of classy styling, quality food and a superior interest in Newcastle's more refined (i.e. not trebles) drinking culture. Town Wall's new sibling is an example of such a place that is more than just a gastro pub. They've taken all of the thrills of the Town Wall - pub food done really well, a very healthy selection of ales and a lively active evening drinking venue, then given it an irresponsible dose of steroids. As well as an on-site microbrewery in collaboration with the Wylam Brewery, that is not only functional but also a very visual attractive. The monstrous variety of ales on tap is probably the only thing that will stop you from climbing into one of the brewing tanks.

The menu holds some small quirks but is largely made up of classic pub food....done excellently, without a whiff of ponce. And best of all, their dishes come only as fat boy portions, always a winner with the Fat Spoon. Aside from the beastly fish and chip that'll have a bite of you if you're not careful; and the Mixed grill for two (hundred) they do also offer some interesting sharing platters and Broad Chare-esque bar snacks. The prices are fair across the board and you can expect some friendly service here. But predominantly, this place is likely to become a nature reserve for real ale drinkers. A place that they can they to find shelter, warmth and great pub food. A place they can sample a huge variety of local and not so local beers. A place they drink without fear of chavs or undergraduate students vulgarly chinning Carling or skittles. 

Although a very friendly and welcoming pub during the day, the Bridge Tavern does have a great 'trendy-pub' type of atmosphere in the evening, just like the Town wall. The great food and microbrewery features given it quite an edge over other 'regular' gastro pubs....which means this place should definitely be on your list of places to try soon. 83%

Sohe - Asian Amalgamation

Not all of Newcastle's culinary action resides in the city centre, a number of fantastic fine dining experiences have started to set up shop a little further out. And many of them, like Sohe, can be found in Jesmond, however there is something quite special about Sohe. It has dared to go in a direction that many others have tried but generally monumentally failed to achieve, Asian fusion. Fusion cuisine can be dirty word in cuisine. It's often an excuse to cut corners, utilise cheaper ingredients or just force flavours together that would rather have a fight. No, melting blue cheese on to my lamb tagine is not cooking innovation, it's vulgar and despicable. However, the creators of Sohe's elaborate menu know exactly what they're doing.

Their very successfully accomplished classic Thai, Indonesian and Malaysian dishes are delivered with contemporary class on par with many of Newcastle's heavy hitters. Yet they achieve this without deviating from the originals too heavily, keeping the hardcore Nasi Goreng and beef rendang fans very happy. Dishes that refined looking, that even your grandma would be keen to tuck in, but should she linger in the spicy sauces too long, she'll be hit in the dentures with a fist full of Asian amazement. They don't stop at savoury either, with the fusion incorporation extended to some fantastic desserts.

The restaurant itself is even more alluring and quite possibly the sexiest restaurant of Newcastle. They have combined a huge variety of decor components that should be visually offensive and burn your eye balls out of your skull. But somehow they've achieved another element fusion here, an explosion of vibrancy that creates an exciting dining atmosphere as well as a elegantly lively bar area. The service is very good and although the menu is a little pricey, they do offer diners club discounts. They even have a Vietnamese coffee machine that looks like R2D2 after it won the Euromillions. 91%

Dabbawal - Street Food Sensation

Unfortunately due to the grossly vast number of generic "Indian" restaurants that have populated this country since the 80's the majority of people think Indian cuisine is solely based on meat in sauce, dry old rice and a bit of limp bread. Wrong. Indian food is highly diverse and should be vibrant, fresh and certainly not just in the form of dog food like dishes. Thankfully there are a handful of properly Indian restaurant in Newcastle that are striving to smash this backward tradition. Rasa on the Quayside has covered Keralan cuisine like an absolute boss, whereas Dabbawal has taken a different approach and produced a perfectly mixed menu that encompasses the cuisine of various regions of India. India is all about real, none-pretencious food. And Dabbawal has used the street food theme to express how interesting and different the cuisine really can be. Food that can be both highly energetic in terms of flavours and spice as well as elegant and perfectly well balanced. Their menu depicts how they're also no scared of incorporating new elements into classic dishes such as their brilliant Duck Nilgiri and Punjabi Chicken Lollipops. But they haven't neglected true street food favourites like their chaats, Railway Lamb Curry and Gol Guppa. The restaurant is just as fresh and well presented as their menu and dishes. You can also expect friendly and knowledgeable service alongside a good wine menu. Indian food is all about brutally delicious flavours, if you don't like your spice then maybe you should stick to parmos and cheesy chips. The only downside to Dabbawal is that it's a little on the expensive side and portions sizes aren't massive. However if you're ready to hoy that feeble chicken tikka massala in the bin and try something that's both authentically Indian and hugely flavoursome, then Dabbawal have the spice sensations you need. Food quality is very good to, so don't worry about the heat smashing your back doors in/out. 89%

Harry's Bar and Grill - Culinary Confusion

Although the name suggests that Harry's is another generic grill house chain, this new kid on the block is in fact a stand alone restaurant. Although it certainly is a rather glamorous bar, describing the restaurant as a grill is a little inaccurate. Pretty much everyone has a grill in their kitchen, it's nothing special. And Harry's definitely isn't a grill house in the traditional meaning of the term. This monster of a venue seems to have popped up from no where, but they have gone to great efforts to make it look visually stunning. And at the cost of £3 million pounds we should hope so! The cocktail menu is excellent and provided the new staff pick up the delivery of them quickly, it will make a fantastic bar. The restaurant itself, however, is very much a mixed bag. Although the Fat Spoon loves a varied and exotic menu, this menu seems to have been put together by over excited posh adolescents on smack. It simply makes no sense. The starters were executed well and displayed their ability to create delicious high level, solid dishes with some great produce. However, based on the standard of the majority of the main dishes is seems the kitchen staff might have necked 10 trebles in between courses. It's inexplicable how they can produce elegant and vibrant foie gras and ducks dishes at the same time as churning out viciously bland burgers and hideously dry lamb dishes. Alongside veal with less flavour than cardboard smeared with wallpaper paste. Yes the novelty of having your food arrive in a clay pot to be smashed open by the waiters at the side of your table is interesting, but not if it results in meat so sterile that a starving pig would turn it's nose up at. The shockingly slow and characterless service only served to promote how poorly assembled this dining experience is, inexcusable. For their worth the menu is also rather over priced. Poor show Harry. 42%

The Valley - All Aboard the Curry Train

The dining and bar trade is often riddled with lame gimmicks these days that only ever endeavour to offer you less of the good stuff for more of your cash. Naan bread's on sticks, cocktails in tea pots and meat starved burritos to mention but a few. However, there is a particularly unique restaurant experience that most people in Newcastle have heard of but oddly very few have had the bottle to go ahead and seize it. Of course that doesn't include the ever cuisine crazed Fat Spoon. That is the The Valley's "A Passage to India" service that takes you from Newcastle to their beautifully archaic converted-ticket office restaurant in Corbridge. Along with it's two sister restaurants (The Valley Junction 397 and The Valley Connection 301), the family has been awarded with multiple awards over the years including last year's Good Curry Guide 'Best in the North East'. It isn't quite the Fat Spoon's #1, but it's definitely up there, the curry train experience being of particular interest. At £32-37 per head some may argue it is a little pricey, but when you account for all that is included you will quickly realise it is a great deal. A very charming waiter will greet you under the big clock of central station before you board the regular train to Corbridge (ticket price included), he will then offer you a drinks of your choice (not so included, but sufficient banter will provide you plenty). The excellent service continues in the restaurant, and there's little chance of delay for food as you can select your dishes during the train ride. The food is both delicious and plentiful... even the most seasoned of curry munchers will struggle to finish everything they are offered; and no dish is off limits, so go wild. There's reasonable flexibility in terms of your return train, whether you chose to sample the brilliant local pubs, or contently sit in the restaurant as you struggle to breath having eaten a grotesque amount of great food. What's more, with this being an Indian restaurant of outstanding calibre you're not likely to be spending much of the next day clutching on to the Andrex. All the delights of Indian cuisine, without hideous Indian trains or gastrointestinal infections. Winner. 88% 

The Fat Hippo Underground - The Beast Beneath

Newcastle's premier burger house now has a city centre brother, bringing the chief of beef burgers to the masses - opening up their world of monstrous delights to every man, woman and child out there and not just the students of Jesmond. This hippo is a little more up market than it's student-loving sibling, although it also looks like 80s Dutch sex dungeon...but this is brilliantly dirty food after all. The concept hasn't changed, beastly succulent burgers accompanied with a variety of interesting topping choices that literally ooze personality and character are on offer here. But what's key here is that it isn't the same menu offered in a new location. They've done exactly what the Fat Spoon has hankering for, a new menu that will push the boundaries of your comfort zone. Whilst the original Fat Hippo was an adventurous creature that frolicked with new flavours, the Underground is completely rabid and out of control, but in a delicious way of course. Candied bacon, cronuts, rib meat and peanut butter are just a few of the highly interesting augmentations they've made to the classic beef burger. Bacon jam is sheer smut, but fantastic on literally any vessel. And like the original venue, the service is chirpy and fun; and the food is great value for money. The starters and desserts are simple but pleasant, completely overshadowed by the extravagant burger selection. OK the Undergound is still pretty rough around the edges, the door to the mens toilet needed to be fish-hooked open by a waitress with a fork to gain access. But if its a unique, fresh and enlightening burger you're after, then the new Fat Hippo Underground has what you need to stop you turning into a raging beast. 90%

The Herb Garden - Fresh Thrills

There are only a few things out there that make the Fat Spoon very angry. Such atrocities include over priced coffee shops, alcohol-free beer and smelly people in restaurants. But what really makes the Fat Spoon froth at the mouth with rage is crap pizzas. These spongy, bland and lifeless faux Italian dishes are served up in many of the generic restaurant chains in Newcastle. Even some of the independent places think its acceptable to overlook what should be a vibrant and delicious main, often concentrating on their main meat courses. Worst of all, people are buying these compilations of weak bread, baseless tomato puree and skeptical mozzarella. Stop it! Don't encourage these jokers, because thankfully The Herb Garden has the solution for this abomination of the Italian classic. Although a little off the beaten track this visually stunning walk-in restaurant will certainly surprise you....burning the image of freshness on to the back of your retina. The main dining area features an actual herb garden used to lift their pizzas to a heavenly level of flavour vibrancy. Multiple pizza stoves means they can churn out perfectly thin pizzas that even Mario's mam could argue with; married with the finest Italian meats, golden mozzarella and of course ultra-fresh herbs. Freshness of course being imperative for maximum flavour when it comes to herbs. And for those with some sort of weird affliction to pizzas they do offer a range of meaty specials, their carnivore platter and steak board being if particular interest. The food and drink is reasonably priced and the service is great. Fall in love with pizza again. 84%

Tenji - Sushi for the Insatiable

Sushi is fantastic. It's fresh, flavoursome and is a very clean option of eating out. Independant restaurants like Nudo and St. Sushi do it very well, even the culinary conveyor belt franchise Yo! Sushi do a decent job. In fact, even bleeding Tescos have had a stab at knocking up these all-natural fishy delights. All have helped commercialise what was a less well known variant of oriental cuisine just 10 years ago. There's only one issue the Fat Spoon has with Sushi....how the hell is four measly bits of salmon, a slither of avocado and handful of rice supposed to fill you up?! Thankfully Tenji has the sashimi solution that everyone has been waiting for - a Japanese buffet restaurant. You'll half expect a katana-brandishing Uma Thurman to fly over the buffet counter and kick you in the face as you walk into this stunning Japanese styled restaurant given how much it looks like a movie set. The lowered seating area is particularly cool. A bountiful variety of sushi, sashimi, crab, mussels and scallops over ice is an ideal start to your dining experience here. But it doesn't stop there, they also offer a horde of authentic curries, steamed dishes, spicy noodles and soups. Look out for the slow cooked oxtail and belly pork stews, they've got enough flavour to make you have a minor accident in your pants. Excellent. There's even a chef on hand to casually grill the life out of a selection of delicious meats at the Teppanyaki station, including heart skewers on occasion! Got a sweet tooth? Not to worry, they even cover desserts, including the well known Japanese classic ... macarons! The evening buffet might be a little pricey for some, however they offer an eye-watering drinks deal for diners. All inclusive drinks for a mere £6, including Tsing Tao, house wine and warm Sake...making a trip to this house of rising stomachs well worth it. 86%

dAt bAr - American Food with Elegance?!!

Who'd have thought it... Apparently American food doesn't have to been grotesque, greasy and covered in dubious cheese. Someone tell those very mediocre American diners of Newcastle that they can hang up their bbq sauce covered aprons and turn the fryers off.....they know who they are. dAt bAr is yet another new kid on the block, brilliantly located near Monument. And in the fight or die scenario that all new restaurants and bars are faced with in their opening months, dAt bAr comes into the ring with more fight than a smackhead radgie on match day, with horns. They've done everything right, combined a smooth but vibrant atmosphere with great food and an exemplary selection of local and not so local beer. The perfect place for a man date or to treat a lady or to take your mam next Sunday....it's that accommodating. The starters are interesting and worldly inspired...a fresh outlook that definitely trumps the done to death fried calamari and potato skins that you'd usually find in a bar-restaurant. The American influence comes in with the mains...super succulent steak, burgers and pulled pork, as well as innovative sourdough pizzas. The menu looks and sounds fun, which really complements the funky vibe at dAt bAr. Interesting quirks like their beef being sourced from "The Fat Butcher" (possibly a relative of the Fat Spoon) and their mix-and-match charcuterie Berkel Boards will make any visit to this joint truly enjoyable. And the pizzas are there to give those funny vegetarian-types plenty of choice...how considerate! Some of the staff are newbies (so may be a little awkward) and the beer prices aren't exactly student friendly but at least there's LOTS of it! Definitely worth a visit soon! 87%

Istanbul Cafe Bistro - Rustic but Radgie

Just a stones throw away from the (relative) bustle of Haymarket is what seems to be a new installation of actual Turkey (the country, not the munter of a bird). That being an exceptionally authentic three storey cafe/tower serving delicious home cooked Turkish cuisine. You may begin to question your safety as you climb the first hostel-like stairway, but once you're tackled with the distinct aroma of their open BBQ grill coupled with an almost agressive amount of spice and garlic, you will know you've made a solid choice. These sorts of establishments can be judged on your inabilty to pronounce the names of dishes, the more drunk you sound...the better the selection; and at Istanbul they don't disappoint! Here they over a wide range of healthy but flavoursome grilled meat dishes, all of the expected classic hot and cold mezze dishes as well as those taste infusion dishes involving lamb and lentils and aubergine that you would expect from a proper Turkish diner. They also have some interesting breakfast dishes and some frankly weird desserts for the bold. As is also typical with such places the food is very very well priced, the decor is plain ugly and the staff are a little moody - possibly incapable of smiling at all first, though a few jokes in they'll warm to most people. But thats part of the package, so rough it up and get some doner meat done properly down you. 72%

Peace and Loaf - Ultra-fine Dining Has a New Name

Despite the UK still very much recovering from a lengthy stint of recession, the social bubble that is Newcastle has seen an exciting number of new eateries pop up in late 2013/early 2014. The Fat Spoon being both greedy and insatiable, has of course already been on a feeding rampage to trial many of these new places. Peace and Loaf is exceptionally different to any of the other new restaurants and in fact different to anything else Newcastle already had to offer. Boasting a Masterchef: The Professionals finalist as the restaurant's head chef, as well as a very extravagant menu and a beautiful interior to match. Being a top-end dining experience, this new kid on the block certainly has enough bite to make some of Newcastle's other big guns quiver in fear and check their underpants with shaking hands. That's because the food at Peace and Loaf oozes arrogance, flare and sensation like none other. The menu has been put together with originality at the very forefront and thankfully has the skill to deliver these gastronomical bombs with devastating effect. The finest ingredients matched with explicit flavours, an outstanding level of service and well balanced atmosphere will make a venture to this beauty truly special. Although students will have to sell a kidney to afford stepping inside Peace and Loaf, the experience itself will make any special occasion a long lasting memory. What's also great is that the menu is constantly changing and developing, each dish as impressively artistic as the last. It isn't just about aesthetics here, the flavour heroes here will leave you feeling hot and bothered...and possibly a little wet....in a good way of course. 94%

The Lock and Key Restaurant - A Steal!

Some restaurants tart themselves like many of the Bigg market's Saturday night clientele, serving very amateur and weak cuisine under the guise of a stylish modern restaurant. Playing the 'contemporary card' coupled with over zealous price tags can often fool many a restaurant goer. But you can roll a turd in truffle oil all you want, it's still going to smell of sh*t, even if it costs a lot. On the other hand, there are some restaurants that are quite the opposite....the relatively new Lock and Key Restaurant is a prime example. Situated in a shady and confused pub/bar hybrid near St James', this gastro-pub is likely to go unnoticed by the majority people. But their very fairly priced menu is surprisingly strong, offering some classic dishes delivered to a good standard. The Lock and Key is no Cafe 21, but with a decent wallet friendly menu, various cost-cutting set menus and 2-4-1 cocktail deals....you literally cannot go wrong! Interesting starters such as "Black pudding Magic"; very affordable Chateaubriand, shoulder of lamb and sea bass mains; as well as crème brûlée for a mere £3.50 all make the Fat Spoon very happy. OK, the menu makes about as much sense as the city centre's roads, but for what you are paying, a visit to The Lock and Key is sure to make for a very prosperous meal out. You will receive typical Geordie pub hospitality, which is charming of course....but don't expect anyone to ask if they can take your coat, unless you are hoping to never see it again. 75%

Paradiso - Charming and Chilled

Paradiso is a funny one, but not necessarily a bad one. It advertises itself as a caffe, bar and a restaurant. And it isn't really any of those to be honest, it's an interesting eatery. The Fat Spoon often rages at such venues that claim to greedily span across several trades, but Paradiso does generate an unusual vibe of it's own. The menu, possibly put together by a food lover on crack, is as random and as mismatched as the serving staff, but it does offer some delightful dishes amongst the confusion. With heavy Mediterranean, Italian, Spanish influences delivered with a slightly contemporary slant you are sure to find a dish to suit your taste, thus making Paradiso ideal for a mixed or fussy table. The open kitchen on the first floor makes for a lively atmosphere but other levels of the crystal-maze-like venue have a far more subdued feel to them. What is particularly good about this place is there ability to produce simple dishes to a solid standard. And even an ultra radgie real life Italian wouldn't complain about their homemade pizzas. There are no major thrills here, but the price tag across all of their numerous, buffet, al a carte and tapas menus will please almost any wallet. At busy times however, you will find yourself wondering whether you should just start clearing the table yourself, but at least the staff are very friendly. If you can fight through the chaos you are sure to enjoy an experience at Paradiso. 73%

The Old Siam - Old School is the Best School

Although there isn't a huge abundance of Thai restaurants in Newcastle, the competition is truly fierce. It is relatively easy to recreate classic Thai dishes such as Pad Thai, Thai green curry and Massaman curry; however to deliver accurately authentic Thai food it requires a certain level of finesse and actual Thais of course. The Old Siam is shy; hidden under a bridge on the Quayside shadowed by the loud and obnoxious fine dining restaurant of that area. But based on it's two biggest competitors in terms of real Thai food - Love's Thai and Bangkok Cafe, The Old Siam really needs to grow a pair and jump in the ring. It's a real heavyweight, the food is a million miles away from generic, screams intense Thai flavour and is both very fresh and healthy. Although the other two are great, The Old Siam has something a little extra. Those that have traveled to Thailand might recognise the extra bite that this place can deliver, don't forget to ask for your food 'Thai' hot if you want the real deal. Even seasoned vindaloo munchers should be wary of Thai heat however. The level of service is spot on here and although it isn't the biggest of restaurants, it will do everything it can to make sure your visit is excellent. Portion sizes and prices are very reasonable, there range of dishes isn't huge but it's all about quality here not quantity. Every dish has it's own character, the way this vibrant cuisine should be. It's time to sack off the lazy, feeble and generic eastern Asian restaurants and give somewhere that possesses sensual banter for the eyes, nose and taste buds. 90%

The Med - More Talent in a Toilet

Now there are many restaurants across the region that offer a complimentary takeaway menu alongside their dining menu, but it's extremely rare that these sort of venues offer anything above the standard of out-of-date rat poison. The Med is another one of those restaurants that fits the trend perfectly. The restaurant is sterile and souless at best. And although they wield the gourmet society discount like a child with a stick, the Fat Spoon wouldn't waste Monopoly money in this rat hole. The Med claims to deliver delicious Greek, Kurdish and Turkish food; and at first glance you might be interested in their varied and slightly exotic menu. However, on sampling their 'finest' dishes the only thing reminiscent of those foreign destinations that you might experience is a foul bout of traveler's diarrhea. Some may look to the Med in the search for a healthy and inexpensive takeaway. But instead you will be presented with meagre meat drowning in oil, ultra-late delivery times, rude and frankly unsightly staff as well as the occassional hair garnish. Putrid service with a side order of hideous cuisine. Avoid this place at all costs, as there's ten times more class in a Bigg Market parmo that you just found on the floor. 13%

Bistro FORTY6 - Shoe Box Superiority

These days the country is littered with generic contemporary Italian or contemporary English restaurants, with little character and uninspiring menus. Often there's nothing wrong with their food (aside from being borderline extortionist), but fine dining must be visually exciting and gastronomically arousing. The Fat Spoon demands it. Gladly, Bistro FORTY6 knows exactly what it's doing. Despite being the size of student's living room, the tantalizing aromas from the kitchen, attractive decor and decent clientele helps create a very pleasant atmosphere in this dwarf restaurant. Don't expect to have your food in a hurry, as the lone waitress covering the whole restaurant herself can only go so fast and why rush something that is going to be brilliant. Despite seemingly running the whole show single-handedly, this particular waitress had more banter than a drunk comedian, a big plus for the Fat Spoon. The menu is strong. It showcases a range of sound but interesting seafood and meat dishes. And they certainly have a knack for scallops, the tempura scallops starter suggests a dish resembling deep fried shoe sole. But this dish was executed with razor sharp perfection. The main dishes also have masses of finesse, a particular favourite being the belly pork dish. Sex on a plate. Although it isn't at the cutting edge of fine dining, it's pretty damn close. Bistro FORTY6 isn't the cheapest of restaurants, but at least that keeps the scabbier diners out. They do offer a substantial discount with the Gourmet Society card however, making a visit here an absolute bargain. 85%

Simply Greek Tavern - My Big Fat Greek Feast

Truly authentic Greek restaurants are extremely elusive in the UK, and that's particularly true of Newcastle. But for some mad reason there are two pretty much adjacent to one another in Newcastle's Bigg market. One of which is about as Greek as it gets, the aptly named Simply Greek Tavern and thankfully it isn't in financial disarray. The staff are attentive and offer a Mediterranean-warm welcome, fitting in their dated but exceptionally Greek blue and white restaurant. If you start knocking back the ouzos you might even end up thinking you are in Greece....which would be hugely disappointing if you were to walk out and you're outside Bambu and a 17 year chav has just been sick on your shoe whilst his girlfriend threatens to fight you. Despite its location the food at Simply Greek is fantastic, the dishes are rich and robust without being overly unhealthy, as Greek food should be. You can expect all the classics such as moussaka, souvlaki and kleftiko as well as fresh hummus by the pint! They even offer a very interesting special Sunday mezze platter for two that definitely sh*ts all over the standard bland Sunday roast. Better still, all of this great food is perlexingly affordable given the quality and quantity of their dishes. Real Greek food and Greek prices, time to smash some plates and get some Greek bait down you. 83%