The Old Siam - Old School is the Best School

Although there isn't a huge abundance of Thai restaurants in Newcastle, the competition is truly fierce. It is relatively easy to recreate classic Thai dishes such as Pad Thai, Thai green curry and Massaman curry; however to deliver accurately authentic Thai food it requires a certain level of finesse and actual Thais of course. The Old Siam is shy; hidden under a bridge on the Quayside shadowed by the loud and obnoxious fine dining restaurant of that area. But based on it's two biggest competitors in terms of real Thai food - Love's Thai and Bangkok Cafe, The Old Siam really needs to grow a pair and jump in the ring. It's a real heavyweight, the food is a million miles away from generic, screams intense Thai flavour and is both very fresh and healthy. Although the other two are great, The Old Siam has something a little extra. Those that have traveled to Thailand might recognise the extra bite that this place can deliver, don't forget to ask for your food 'Thai' hot if you want the real deal. Even seasoned vindaloo munchers should be wary of Thai heat however. The level of service is spot on here and although it isn't the biggest of restaurants, it will do everything it can to make sure your visit is excellent. Portion sizes and prices are very reasonable, there range of dishes isn't huge but it's all about quality here not quantity. Every dish has it's own character, the way this vibrant cuisine should be. It's time to sack off the lazy, feeble and generic eastern Asian restaurants and give somewhere that possesses sensual banter for the eyes, nose and taste buds. 90%

The Med - More Talent in a Toilet

Now there are many restaurants across the region that offer a complimentary takeaway menu alongside their dining menu, but it's extremely rare that these sort of venues offer anything above the standard of out-of-date rat poison. The Med is another one of those restaurants that fits the trend perfectly. The restaurant is sterile and souless at best. And although they wield the gourmet society discount like a child with a stick, the Fat Spoon wouldn't waste Monopoly money in this rat hole. The Med claims to deliver delicious Greek, Kurdish and Turkish food; and at first glance you might be interested in their varied and slightly exotic menu. However, on sampling their 'finest' dishes the only thing reminiscent of those foreign destinations that you might experience is a foul bout of traveler's diarrhea. Some may look to the Med in the search for a healthy and inexpensive takeaway. But instead you will be presented with meagre meat drowning in oil, ultra-late delivery times, rude and frankly unsightly staff as well as the occassional hair garnish. Putrid service with a side order of hideous cuisine. Avoid this place at all costs, as there's ten times more class in a Bigg Market parmo that you just found on the floor. 13%

Bistro FORTY6 - Shoe Box Superiority

These days the country is littered with generic contemporary Italian or contemporary English restaurants, with little character and uninspiring menus. Often there's nothing wrong with their food (aside from being borderline extortionist), but fine dining must be visually exciting and gastronomically arousing. The Fat Spoon demands it. Gladly, Bistro FORTY6 knows exactly what it's doing. Despite being the size of student's living room, the tantalizing aromas from the kitchen, attractive decor and decent clientele helps create a very pleasant atmosphere in this dwarf restaurant. Don't expect to have your food in a hurry, as the lone waitress covering the whole restaurant herself can only go so fast and why rush something that is going to be brilliant. Despite seemingly running the whole show single-handedly, this particular waitress had more banter than a drunk comedian, a big plus for the Fat Spoon. The menu is strong. It showcases a range of sound but interesting seafood and meat dishes. And they certainly have a knack for scallops, the tempura scallops starter suggests a dish resembling deep fried shoe sole. But this dish was executed with razor sharp perfection. The main dishes also have masses of finesse, a particular favourite being the belly pork dish. Sex on a plate. Although it isn't at the cutting edge of fine dining, it's pretty damn close. Bistro FORTY6 isn't the cheapest of restaurants, but at least that keeps the scabbier diners out. They do offer a substantial discount with the Gourmet Society card however, making a visit here an absolute bargain. 85%

Simply Greek Tavern - My Big Fat Greek Feast

Truly authentic Greek restaurants are extremely elusive in the UK, and that's particularly true of Newcastle. But for some mad reason there are two pretty much adjacent to one another in Newcastle's Bigg market. One of which is about as Greek as it gets, the aptly named Simply Greek Tavern and thankfully it isn't in financial disarray. The staff are attentive and offer a Mediterranean-warm welcome, fitting in their dated but exceptionally Greek blue and white restaurant. If you start knocking back the ouzos you might even end up thinking you are in Greece....which would be hugely disappointing if you were to walk out and you're outside Bambu and a 17 year chav has just been sick on your shoe whilst his girlfriend threatens to fight you. Despite its location the food at Simply Greek is fantastic, the dishes are rich and robust without being overly unhealthy, as Greek food should be. You can expect all the classics such as moussaka, souvlaki and kleftiko as well as fresh hummus by the pint! They even offer a very interesting special Sunday mezze platter for two that definitely sh*ts all over the standard bland Sunday roast. Better still, all of this great food is perlexingly affordable given the quality and quantity of their dishes. Real Greek food and Greek prices, time to smash some plates and get some Greek bait down you. 83%

Café 21 - The Ultimate in Celebratory Cuisine

Surrounding the festive period and New Years the majority of restaurants across the country, both good and hideous will whore themselves out with 'special' seasonal menus. Many involve feeble attempts at festive cuisine with pointless 'quirky twists' and minuscule portions, which only enrages the Fat Spoon. That said, some of the festive menus are outstanding, but there can only be one king of celebration. That is Café 21, which specializes in offering excellent yet fairly priced set menus all year round. And being part of the 21 Hospitality Group you can expect amazing dishes with a great deal of effort behind each one, made with the finest of ingredients and erupting with finesse. Café 21 is only really out shadowed by it's burly bigger brother, The Broad Chare. But when you want fine dining with all that glitz and glam guff, then Cafe 21 has to be your first choice. So break out the champagne and make your choice from the range of contemporary dishes boasting great game, rotund beef dishes and exquisite seafood. The beautiful presentation across all dishes will make your best efforts look like MasterChef gone wrong. High level food should look as good as it taste, as should the serving staff. Thankfully Café 21 doesn't disappoint. There is also a convenient Café 21 installation in Fenwicks, if MacDonald's doesn't cut it as mid-shopping bait. Definitely another big shot...94%

Za Za Bazaar - Buffet Slayer

This is definitely a first. The Fat Spoon is having to eat it's own words. In a previous review (of Flavours) it was vowed that Indian food could never be done well in a buffet format. This new restaurant from Bristol had the Fat Spoon very much mistaken. This literally dazzling restaurant is another one of those world buffets, except the interior concept is anything but bland. The interesting layout, retina-burning neon lights and beautifully aggressive colour scheme generates a very holiday-esque aura. Like all world buffet restaurants they aim to cover all bases with a vast ranges of stations such as Italian, Tex Mex, 'British' and Chinese. But these are generally tag-on cuisines with little to offer other than making you fat with carbohydrate overload. The real heavy hitters at Za Za Bazaar include the substantial Indian contingency, Thai curries and Vietnamese dishes. If you can resist the generics of the restaurant and focus on specialities of Indian and Far East Asia, then you will be in for a right treat. They've clearly sourced a large number of excellent international chefs that are not only able to produce the classics, but also rarer regional dishes such as Dosas, Amritsari machi, gulab jamun, Pad Thai, Shui Ziu fish and Nasi Goreng to name a few. This flavour explosion is as vibrant as the decor here and might leave you weak at the knees and the sheer volume will definitely result in you walking like a 30 stone gangster rapper with a peg leg. Fantastic. The service is and quality of excellent, but you would expect that from somewhere that's just opened and has put so much into their opening delivery. What will be interesting is how Za Za Bazaar deal with the test of time, that usually sees other world buffets crumble in integrity and quality, like the British transport system when we get half an hour of snow. But for now it is vigorously recommended that you give Za Za Bazaar a try. 84%

Gourmet Grub - Hangover Heaven

Many of us have been there, some more than others. Many of us are quite possibly there now, or will be soon based on it currently being Christmas party season. Yes, it's the dreaded crippling hangover that makes your brain feel like an old shriveled prune and leaves your stomach in a black-hole-like state. And providing you can face food, there is only one solution that will make it everything OK again and eliminate your feelings of self-loathing and calamity. That is of course a hefty, filthily greasy fry-up. A beautiful mountain of protein, grease and pure magic. And the Gourmet Grub cafe is the place where you can get that fatty fix. You can refill your soul with their signature "Big G" breakfast, which will satisfy even the greediest of animals. Bacon, sausages, toast, eggs, beans, tomatoes, mushrooms, black pudding, hash browns and a cup of tea for less than a fiver! Even the stingiest of students cannot reject such an outstanding offer. Not only is Gourmet Grub very inexpensive, but the little Geordie lady that runs the cafe will look after you like you're one of her own. Saint. It isn't just about breakfast here either, they offer some very cost effective lunches in the form of £2.20 meal deals, free cakes on match days and hot daily specials. Brilliance doesn't always have to be extravagant, sometimes its the simplest things that work the best. 76%